Page 29 of Undercover Shadow
She turned slowly. “And yet, we have no future, isn’t that right? How can you lose me if you don’t have me in the first place?”
I gripped my hair, pulling it. “I don’t know how to do this,” I said. “I don’t know how to?—”
“There’s nothing left to say, Tag. We made an agreement, and now, we have to stick to it.” She turned to leave. “You made your feelings abundantly clear, and the last thing I want is to hear them again.”
I moved faster, getting between her and the doorway, backing her against the wall. “I can’t let you go,” I said, pressing my body flush with hers so she could feel exactly how much I wanted her. Needed her.
“You have to?—”
“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want me.”
Her eyes bored into mine. “It doesn’t matter what I want. It’s never mattered what I want.”
Our mouths were an inch apart, and the air between us was charged with anger and desire. I don’t know who moved first—maybe we both did—but suddenly, we were kissing. This wasn’t tender like our first time, or desperate like last night. This wasangry and raw, full of frustration and want and denial exploding between us.
“I hate you,” she gasped against my mouth, her hands fisting in my hair like my own had.
“I know.”
“I hate that you’re doing this to us.”
“I know.”
“I hate that I can’t stop wanting you.”
Her legs wrapped around my waist when I lifted her, and we stumbled toward the carpet in front of the cold fireplace. We tore at each other’s clothes until we were both naked, then pressed our bodies as close as we could get. Leila’s nails raked down my back hard enough to draw blood, and my teeth marked her shoulder. It was an exorcism of everything we couldn’t say, couldn’t be, couldn’t have.
She cried out when I entered her, not from pain but from the overwhelming intensity of it. We met, thrust for thrust, pounding into each other while our mouths and tongues battled in their own way.
“God, Leila, I?—”
She raised her hand and covered my mouth. “Don’t.” She rolled us to our sides with strength I wasn’t ready for, but instead of leaving, she pushed me onto my back and straddled me. “I’min control, Tag. Me.”
I nodded, staring into her beautiful eyes, wishing I could tell her how much I loved her, even if it changed nothing. Instead, I brought my hands to her breasts, tugging at her nipples until her back arched and I could feel her body begin to clench mine.
I rolled us like she’d done to me, driving my cock as deep and as hard as I could into her pussy. She grabbed for my arms as if holding onto me to keep herself from spiraling into the pleasure she was trying so hard not to allow. I thrust more, leaned down, and took a nipple into my mouth, sucking hard, thenbiting before soothing it with my tongue. When I did it again, Leila came apart in my arms, thrashing as much as writhing, screaming my name again and again. I stayed with her as long as I could, but as soon as I knew I couldn’t hold back any longer, I pulled out, releasing on her stomach.
Leila turned her head, but I could still see her tears, hating that I was the one who caused them to fall.
Grabbing my shirt, I wiped her stomach. She pulled away without looking at me, gathering her scattered clothes. “This changes nothing,” she said as she left the room without putting them on.
“I know.”
I stayed on the library floor, staring at the ceiling with its ancient beams, wondering how something that felt so right could be so wrong.
I returned to the bedroom,showered off the evidence of what we’d done, then lay on the bed fully dressed. Waiting. One hour turned into five. I could hear her downstairs but couldn’t bring myself to seek her out any more than she’d come to me.
Eventually, I drifted to sleep, wrung out from sex and anger and pain. When I woke again, I could hear her in the hallway outside the bedroom door. I sat up, threw my legs over the side of the bed, and went to her.
Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot from crying, and her shoulders rolled forward as if she was trying to make herself smaller, invisible. “Leila…”
“I need my things.”
I reached for her. “Come to bed.”
She jerked away from me. “I just need my things. I’ll sleep in the other room.”
“Please don’t do this,” I begged.
