Page 108 of Monarch
Lex is mute, studying Mari as they approach.
“Well, not today. And never again. And maybe,lieveLex, you never were really in control.”
Lex blinks, and it’s pronounced enough that I wait for two more blinks. But they don’t come. Lex simply stares at Mari as they hold the candles up between the three of us, lighting our skin with a warm glow.
In this moment, it feels like we are the only three people in the world, orbiting a sun only we can see. In this moment, it feels like the past is exactly that: locked away behind us, out of reach and unableto touch us anymore. In this moment, it feels like we are all stepping into a brighter, more beautiful future together.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Mari
Like many others in this world, I know I have the ability to be a bitch locked and loaded inside me. It’s readily available, always pressing up against the surface of my façade. But I’ve done my best to keep it contained and constricted. You don’t get very far in a customer-facing job by being rude to your colleagues or clients. And as a Gemini moon, it’s so far from my whole personality. But it is there. And tonight, I have released it and let it be wild, taking up space and filling my head with dark, dark ideas. Or rather, tapping into thoughts I’ve suppressed for the last eleven years.
That’s why I called Lex those names. That’s why I marked xir flesh with the riding crop, the pinwheel, and my own hungry teeth. That’s why I am holding a candle up against xir body, and we all know what I’m threatening to do.
And I will do it. I will pour hot wax over xir skin. I will make xem feel the burn. I imagine QISS has a stash of kink-friendly candles somewhere, made with soy wax rather than beeswax or paraffin because it’s a gentler sting, but that isn’t really the point of tonight. These candles, and the absence of oil on Lex’s body will make xem feel everything. I will let the wax dry, tightening xir skin. I will make xem look down and see who is really in control as I drop more wax on xir body at the same time that Roos snatches another orgasm from xem.
“Make xem come, Roos,” I say, and then my eye catches sight of something on the floor. “With that inside xem.”
Roos looks down at the dildo near her feet. She picks it up and inspects it like it’s a fruit she’s about to eat. Then she surprises both Lex and me by putting it in her mouth and sucking hard. She pulls off, spits on it, and does it again. I squeeze my thighs together and feel my nipples pull into tight peaks, imagining it’s my dick in her mouth. Lex hums out another muffled moan.
When Roos removes the dildo from her mouth, it is shining under the stage lights. She offers it to me, and I spit on it, too. Spreading my saliva around with hers, she drops it between Lex’s legs. I look down to see the dildo start to disappear inside Lex.
Roos is more generous than I would be. She takes her time. It must be an excruciatingly tight fit with how Lex’s legs are locked in place – apart but not widely spread – and then there’s the plug in xir other hole, filling xem up. I imagine just how tight Lex must feel right now, and I have never wanted a dick more.
When all but the base of the dildo is lost inside Lex, xe releases a long, sobbing noise. It’s a telling sound, revealing how close to the edge xe is, letting us know xe is struggling, but as I check and xe doesn’t blink three times at me, I also know it’s informing us that xe is going to push through anyway.
And for that, I am very proud of xem.
But I’m still angry. I’m still full of rage at how xe has treated both Roos and me over the last six months, and fuck, the last eleven years. And I know this is my only opportunity to channel that into something that can propel us all forwards.
I’ve been carefully holding the candles in front of me, gathering as much melted wax around the wick as I can. Roos seems to read my mind when she resumes her position on her knees, her face close to Lex’s cunt. She looks up at me before she brings her tongue out to find Lex’s clit, and I smile reassuringly at her. I’m about to get really fucking angry with Lex. I want Roos to know that this is not abouther. This is all part of this crucial scene. Roos nods back at me before closing her eyes and once again devoting her mouth to Lex’s cunt.
I catch Lex’s eye as I lift one of the candles up between us. I’m standing close enough that the flame heats the tip of my nose, and I know it must do the same to Lex’s skin. Carefully, I tilt it so the wax starts to drip, and I angle it so it dribbles down the centre of the monarch butterfly I inked on xir skin.
Lex makes a throaty sound and xir stomach clenches, releases. Clenches, releases. I watch as the red wax slides down xir skin, hardening just a few seconds after it makes contact.
“How was that?” I ask Lex, knowing xe can’t reply.
Lex makes a defiant noise that I know is egging me on. I know it means ‘more’.
I hold the other candle up and make sure xe is watching it as I then lower it down xir body. When it’s lined up with xir belly button, I tip it. and the wax dribbles down xir midriff and gets lost in xir pubic hair. I smile to myself, thinking about us picking it out later, likely yanking some of the hairs out too.
Because of course I want that as well as this. Yes, as sick as it may make me, I want to make Lex suffer. I want to inflict pain on xir beautiful body. I want to make xem feel some of the hurt Roos and I have felt because of xem. But I also want the aftercare. I want to scoop xem up and carry xem to a bed. I want to wash xir body and dry it afterwards. I want to inspect the marks I left on xir skin and kiss each one better. I want that to be as much a part of tonight as this.
A year ago, if you had told me I’d have an opportunity to make Lex realise just how much suffering xe has caused me by giving it back to xem, I would have grabbed the opportunity with two hands. But back then, I wouldn’t have been ready to do it like this, within the clear and safe boundaries of kink. I wouldn’t have been ready to do the most important part, which is ensuring Lex is soothed and comforted afterwards. I wouldn’t have been able to recognise that allof this – the scene, the pain, the submission, the aftercare, the looking after Lex – was necessary as one whole experience. And not just for Lex, but for Roos and me too.
Lex wants to hurt to earn forgiveness. We want to love xem in order to give it.
The other candle has a small puddle of wax again. I pour it out over Lex’s top surgery scars. This feels both cruel and affirming. I am literally targeting a wound. But maybe that’s what Lex needs. It’s certainly what I need. To stop ignoring the ways we hurt. To stop pretending we’re unbreakable. To recognise that the places where we’re cut open and put together again, they’re often the strongest parts of ourselves.
When the other candle is ready, I do the same on the other side, the wax gathering in the uneven pits and twists of the scar. I itch to run my tongue over the full length of the jagged line. I crave contact with xir skin. It’s hard for me to believe it’s been eleven years since I touched xir body like this, but even saying that, I know it will be different now. Back then, I was touching a version of Lex that xe had created and curated. Now, after Roos and I are finished with xem, only the real Lex will be left behind.
I stand back and look at Lex’s torso, covered in irregular lines of red wax, like dried lines of blood. There are still faint red marks from the R and M I drew with the pinwheel. The red rectangle from the crop I used on xem earlier has faded, and I decide that will not do.
Especially in this moment as I see Roos’ mouth is taking xem higher and higher, giving xem more and more pleasure. Not yet. Xe is not allowed only pleasure until I say so. I blow the candles out, dribble the last few drops of wax down Lex’s chest, and then place them on the floor. I pull the flogger out of the rope it was tucked into and move to Lex’s side, sure to give Roos plenty of space. Lex ismoaning and whimpering, xir eyes closed, all thanks to Roos’ expert tongue, and that absolutely needs to change.
Using great precision because of where Roos’ head is, I crack the flogger against the side of xir thigh, and that makes xir eyes jump open. Xe looks at me, a little terrified, a little confused. The switch in me wonders what it feels like, to be so close to your climax only to have it interrupted by a firm hit. I hold xir eye contact as I lift the flogger and give xem another two hits on exactly the same spot. A long, thick red stripe blooms on their skin.
