Page 67 of Monarch
I should have made myself climax already. I should have gotten rid of all this built-up pressure in my core. I was so swept away in Mari’s delicious, delayed orgasm that I forgot to come myself. Which feels like it should have been an impossibility, considering how turned on I was. How turned on I still am.
I’m jolted back into the room when I feel Mari’s hand under the table, squeezing my leg. “Are you okay?” they ask.
I nod before I speak. I always nod at that question. Even if I’m not. Even if I don’t have the words to back it up. I always answer in the affirmative with a head nod.
And I am okay. I think. Sure, I’m a bit perplexed why Mari wants to watch Lex fuck someone on the stage. Sure, I’m feeling more envy than I should of this Anneke person who gets to share that with Lex. Sure, I am scared this will change things between Mari and me. On the stage, we were so clearly connected, and I was convinced we’d leave QISS as a real couple. But now, as Mari insists we watch Lex, I’m not sure of anything.
“I’m okay,” I finally follow up. “You?”
“Yeah, I…” They close their mouth, but still I wait. “I don’t want this to take away from what we did on stage. That was…incredible.”
I smile despite my worries. “Yes, it was.”
I want to ask them why they want to watch Lex. I want to know what it will do for them. I want to know what’s changed, if something indeed has changed.
“You probably think this is super weird.” Mari leans even closer, their hair brushing against my cheek. Not for the first time, I wonder if they can read my mind. “Me wanting to watch Lex.”
“Yeah, I mean…yeah. It is a bit. But I told xem we were coming so…” I don’t finish that sentence.
“Do you want to watch xem?” I feel the way the tables turn like it’s a physical thing.
“Yes, I do,” I admit.
“And does it make any sense?”
“Yes and no.”
“Exactly,” Mari says as if this explains everything, but I just feel more confused.
Our drinks arrive, and we both reach for them greedily. We tuck into the nuts quickly, and our conversation halts as we eat.
It’s in this pause that we also look up and see something is happening on the stage. Or rather, something is about to happen. Anneke is already suspended in the sex swing on the stage, her legs wide open. She is completely naked but for a leather collar around her neck. She has a slim body, the kind that I suspect careful eating and regular running or the gym is responsible for. That or exceptional genetics. Her hair is long and golden-red, and it flows out behind her like ribbons blowing in the wind. The swing is suspended so that it can turn 360 degrees, and I can’t help but wonder what it feels like to be Anneke right now. Completely contained and yet completely free too. We never did try the sex swing, Lex and me. I wish we had.
Maybe we could one day in the future, I have the audacity to think. Lex and Mari and me.
I push these wild ideas away and watch Lex return to stand close to Anneke. Xe has taken xir blazer off and is wearing just a tightwhite vest top and men’s chinos. Xe already has a harness on over xir trousers and xe is fixing a dildo in place like it’s the most natural thing xe does. Despite myself, I feel blood rush south, and I start to fidget in my chair. Mari seems to notice, and they place their hand on my leg again. I grab and squeeze. I may not know what their motivation is to sit and watch this, and I’m even more doubtful of mine, but if we’re going to do it, we can at least try to enjoy it together.
“Xe doesn’t know we stayed,” Mari leans over again to say. There is unquestionably more conviction in their voice. “As far as xe knows, we’re in an aftercare room, not giving a shit what xe is doing.”
I raise my eyebrows, ready to contest this. It’s possible, but it’s not the truth.
Mari’s hand climbs up my leg, and they grab another handful of my thigh. It immediately makes me close my mouth and try to ease into the lie. I’m not a natural at that. So much of my childhood and youth felt like I was living a lie – forced to “doe normaal” when it felt anything but normal to wear certain clothes and have my hair cut short – so it’s not easy for me to pretend in any situation. I take personal pride in living my truth and sharing it. It’s why I never held back my feelings for Lex. It’s why I appreciated Mari’s honesty when they said they needed space.
But right now, Mari wants to pretend. They want to imagine we’re not Lex’s exes. They want to pretend the person up on the stage, now strapped up and stroking the curves of Anneke’s backside, is a stranger. They want to forget all our messy, messy history and just watch.
And by the way their hand slides further up my leg and their knuckles brush my groin, I think they also want to play while we watch.
Maybe I’m so turned on from what Mari and I just did on stage. Maybe I’m just forever weak when it comes to Lex. Maybe my recent insomnia and headaches have just exhausted me to the point whereI have no resistance. Maybe it’s something else, or maybe I just want this.
I exhale as I lean back in my chair, and I slide my lower body down so Mari has better access. I am not surprised when her hand climbs higher and she undoes the small zip in my PVC trousers. My breath hitches when she slides her hand inside and finally touches my flesh.
“Open your eyes,” Mari says. I do as they say, not even realising I had closed them.
“Watch xem.”
Lex is right behind Anneke now. Xe has spun her around, so xe has full access to her spread legs. Anneke’s hair tumbles down behind her head as she looks up at Lex, a wide smile of anticipation on her lips. Lex says something we can’t hear – how I wish I could hear it – and then xe produces a bottle of lube from somewhere. Xe makes a show of holding it up and letting it drip onto xir dick. I tremble thinking about the many times I watched xem do that in front of me. It’s somehow even hotter when xe is doing it for somebody else, several somebody elses in this audience.
Mari’s hand starts to stroke me with a steady rhythm. I’m so grateful I took a little blue pill earlier so that they can feel my arousal as much as I can. Their strokes are too even to be passionate, but it’s getting the job done. I writhe around so I can get more comfortable and allow Mari to have as much of me as they want.
