Page 89 of Monarch
“And you’re happy to top with me?” she asks me, but she turns to Mari before I give my answer. “And you’re happy to sub tonight?”
Mari nods.
Maybe it’s the way Roos didn’t even wait for me to respond because to her, I’ve always been a Dominant. Maybe it’s the way Mari’s words give me an opportunity. Maybe it’s the weed. Or maybe it’s because I’m so fucking tired of lying to myself and to the people I love, but I find myself holding a hand up between us all and speaking.
“Actually,” I say, “I would like to sub too.”
Mari and Roos both stare at me, unmoving and unblinking.
“If that’s okay,” I add, hoping one of them will say or do something.
“Really?” Roos looks like she’s been slapped. I feel cruel for taking away that big smile and all her excitement. I open my mouth to take it back, to change my mind, but Mari is quicker to speak.
“That’s cool,” they say, their voice even. “You want me to sub with you?”
I think about them domming me too. I think about both of them pushing me to an edge I have spent half my life avoiding. I think about them both taking care of me afterwards.
God, I need that.
God, I’m not ready for that.
I hold their gaze as I reply. “Yes. Please.”
Mari nods, confirming how it’s going to go. Roos still looks like she has no clue what is going on, but when she looks at Mari, they nod with a smile just for them. “You think you can do it? Dom us both?”
“Yeah, but…” Roos’ voice trails off, and she looks at me again.
“I think this will be a lot of fun, don’t you?” Mari prompts Roos, pulling her stare away from me.
It doesn’t last long. Roos looks back at me with a serious, concerned frown. “Are you sure?”
I do my best to smile, to bring some levity to the moment. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
“Okay,” Roos says, and then she holds out her hands for us to take. “Let’s go do this.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Mari
Roos is a queen. A queen of the night. A queen of the flogger she has in her hands. And a queen of my heart. It doesn’t come without discomfort, that I feel myself falling harder and faster for Roos while she stands behind me, spanking my backside and upper thighs with a leather paddle, but it’s the truth.
Yes, I love the Roos that needs hugs and care and carefulness. But this Roos,thisRoos that is unyielding and demanding and so very much in control.
This woman could ruin my life, and I would thank her for it.
God, I’ve missed this. I had no idea how much I needed this until Roos forced me on my hands and knees and made me stare out into the shadows of the audience in front of us.
And fuck me if I don’t also love the fact that I’m not here alone. That Lex is next to me, also on all fours, and gasping, groaning, moaning with each stroke Roos delivers. If you had asked me this morning how I thought tonight would go, I imagined Lex taking charge. That’s all I know about xem and sex because that’s all it was like when it was xem and me. Of course, if I had given it more thought, maybe I would have considered xir preferences, xir desires could have changed, just like mine have over the last ten years. But I never could have envisaged this. This version of Lex, who has tears running down xir cheeks but a smile on their lips. This Lex, who shudders with each strike Roos delivers, even when it’s against my backside, and the depth of xir eye contact when we look at each other.I never ever would have imagined seeing Lex like this, and I never ever would have imagined feeling so much for xem.
Because I’ve never experienced this before, submitting with someone else. Sharing a dominant partner. Knowing exactly what another person is feeling because I am feeling it too. The humiliation of being on our hands and knees in just our underwear. The burning sting of each hit. The heat from the stage lights and the occasional chill from the aircon when it reaches us. When my arms start to tremble from the exertion of staying in this position, I look over at Lex and see xir arms are also shaking. When I feel my knees start to ache from being on the stage’s wooden floor, I know Lex’s are likely hurting too.
We haven’t shared a word since Roos ordered us to strip and get in position, but I feel like Lex and I haven’t stopped communicating, with our shared moans, our moments of eye contact, and with the way neither of us can catch our breath.
“Ten more,” Roos says from behind us, and I glance over my shoulder.
It’s a mistake.
“Face the front, you disobedient little slut!” Roos orders, and I’m punished with an extra hard strike against my right butt cheek.
