Page 95 of Making It Burn
“I know!Paul was being such an ass.”That was definitely one of the secretaries.Michelle, maybe.“Did you see Mason’s face?He looked like he was going to pass out.”
My hand froze halfway to my mouth.
“And Beau just deflected so smoothly.Like he knew exactly what to do.”Jennifer-or-Jessica lowered her voice, but I could still hear her.“Do you think...?”
“Think what?”
“You know.That there’s something going on between them?”
Silence.Then: “I mean, they’re always together.And they seemed really uncomfortable under the mistletoe.”
“Because Paul was being a dickhead.”One of them giggled, and my stomach clenched.
“Maybe.Or maybe...”A significant pause.“I’m just saying, they’d make a cute couple.”
“Michelle!You can’t just—”
Their voices faded as they moved down the hallway, leaving me sitting at my desk with my sandwich forgotten and my heart racing.
People were talking.Speculating.Putting pieces together.
Of course they were.Paul had made sure of that with his little stunt.And my reaction—my obvious, visible panic—had probably confirmed every suspicion.
How long before it wasn’t just two people in a hallway?How long before it was the whole firm?Before someone said something to Carter or Patsy?What if Beau got dragged into office gossip because I couldn’t keep my shit together?
I pushed the sandwich away, my appetite gone.
Beau had been right.People were going to notice.Were already noticing.And when they did, we’d need to have answers.Needed to be on the same page about what we were, what we wanted, and how we were going to handle it.
Except we weren’t on the same page.
Beau wanted more.Wanted us to be real, public, acknowledged.God, he wanted me to be brave enough to claim him.
And I wanted that too, damn it.I wanted it so badly.But wanting and doing were different things, and I’d spent so long being afraid that I didn’t know how to be anything else.
I can’t keep loving someone who won’t let me.
My throat tightened.
I was going to lose him.Not because he didn’t love me—he’d said he did, or at least implied it in the most heartbreaking way possible—but because I was too much of a coward to love him the way he deserved.
Unless I made a choice.
I pulled out my phone and stared at it for a long moment.
Caroline’s words from lunch echoed in my head.I think he’d surprise you.If you ever needed to tell him something important.
My father.The man I’d spent my entire life trying to impress, trying to live up to, trying not to disappoint.The man I’d assumed would be horrified if he knew the truth about me.
The man who watched football with Scott’s husband and never mentioned it.Who was marrying a woman whose best friend was gay.
What if Caroline was right?
And more importantly—what if I’d been using my fear of his reaction as an excuse?A reason to stay in the closet, to keep Beau hidden away, and to avoid being honest about who I was?
I looked at my phone again, then at the empty doorway where those women had been talking.
I couldn’t control what people at the firm thought or said.Couldn’t stop the gossip or the speculation.But I could control this.
