Page 86 of Trick or Treat Nurse at My Feet
The simple question catches me off guard. Tyler takes advantage of my silence to gently take my hand.
"I've been going crazy not seeing you," he continues. "Not talking to you. I thought I did something wrong."
Guilt twists in my stomach. "It wasn't you. It was me being a coward."
"Not a coward," Tyler corrects softly as he slowly moves closer to me. "Just scared. I get it. This is all new territory for both of us."
Looking down at our joined hands, I'm unsure when he had taken mine. "Ryan's been destroying my things," I blurt out, not sure why I'm telling him this now. "Textbooks, scrubs, changing my clinical assignments."
Tyler's hand tightens around mine. "What? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want you confronting him and making it worse. Because I'm handling it. Because..." I trail off, not wanting to admit the real reason.
"Because what?"
"Because I was already pulling away," I confess, looking at the floor with shame burning across mycheeks. "And I didn't want to give you another reason to think I'm too much trouble."
Tyler's free hand comes up to cup my cheek, turning my face toward his. "Ethan Barrett, listen to me carefully. You are not too much trouble. Not even close."
The tenderness in his voice nearly undoes me. I want to believe him, lean into his touch, and forget all my fears and doubts. But Cher's words echo in my head, joined by memories of Ryan saying similar things toward the end of our relationship.
You're clingy. Needy. Too much work.
"I don't know if I can do this," I whisper, the admission painful. "I want to, but I'm scared."
Tyler's expression falls, his hand dropping from my face. "Are you breaking up with me?"
The hurt in his voice makes my chest constrict. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid by pulling away gradually: this moment of having to look him in the eyes and make a decision.
"I don't know," I say honestly. "I don't want to, but..."
"But you're afraid I'll hurt you, so you're hurting both of us first." Tyler steps back, running a hand through his already messy hair. "That's not fair, Ethan. Not to me and not to yourself."
He's right, and I know it. But knowing something intellectually and being able to overcome the emotional barriers are two different things.
"I need time," pausing, I finally say. "To think. To figure out if I can get past this."
Tyler looks at me for a long moment, his expression unreadable. "Okay," he says quietly. "Time. I can give you that." He takes another step back. "But I need to know, doyou want this to be over? Because if you do, just say it. Don't drag it out."
The direct question hits me like a physical blow. Do I want this to be over?
The answer should be simple.
But as I stand there, caught between fear and longing, I find I can't say the words either way.
Chapter 22
Brothers in Arms
TYLER
"Do you want this to be over?" The question hangs between us, heavy and final.
Ethan's face crumples, the conflict visible in his eyes. He opens his mouth, closes it, then looks down at our hands, still loosely connected.
"No," he finally whispers. "I don't want it to be over."
Relief floods through me, so intense I almost feel light-headed. "Okay. Good. That's... good."
