Page 25 of Devil's Vows
The way he stands, long legs grounded, hands on his hips, ready to step in and help one of his daughters in a split second, gives everything away. He’s a dad, tall, solid, with broad shoulders that look like they can carry any weight. Dark hair dusts his bare forearms, thinning as it slopes down to big hands, veins mapping out where blood flows. The scruff on his jaw holds a red glint when he turns his face and the sunlight catches it just right.
Petrov is taller and bulkier than the man I remember, and so much younger, there is no correlation…with not a tattoo in sight on his fingers or arms.
He becomes aware of us and looks first at Matteo and thenat me. The stark cold blue of his gaze penetrates mine.That Russianhad brown—almost black—eyes, dark and empty like a poisoned pond where nothing will ever grow again.
It isn’thim, and I have time to get my act together and disappear forever when the time is right. The sooner, the better.
I shoot Petrov a small smile as I hide the two pink balloon animals behind my back, then pad over to where the girls are now heading for the slide.
For a sunny Sunday morning in early fall, the playground is empty, especially given how busy and big New York City is. I glance to where an older man in jeans is sitting, cap on, cellphone in hand, seeming at leisure, but I know better. This has been orchestrated down to the first yellow leaf floating to the playground floor. By the look on Dominic’s face, he didn’t expect this, either.
Matteo is strolling over to the two other men, where I won’t hear what they’re saying, not at this angle and with the distance between us. Let them talk amongst themselves. Let them wheel and deal and scheme. I’m under no illusion that I’m nothing but a pawn and would never be anything else in any man’s eye, but I have my own moves up my sleeve, and they will learn about them only if I care to share, which I don’t.
“Hey, girls!” I call out as the older one hits the slide.
I go on my haunches to meet her as she slides down with a giggle and a sparkle in her eyes. They’re just as blue as her dad’s, but those beautiful blond curls must be something she got from her mom.
“You play with us?” she asks, eyeing the balloon animals I’m holding.
She’s adorable. “Yes. How did you guess?”
“Papa told us. Is that for me?” she asks as she bounces up, grubby hands hesitant to reach out.
“Yes, if you tell me your name?”
“I’m Irisha! And this is Katya,” she says as her sister speedsdown the slide, seeming to lose her balance as she’s distracted by the balloon doggies I’m holding out. They’re peas in a pod and two of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. Together, they are striking, and their mom must have been a true Russian siren.
But she’s dead, and in a way has given me this gap. Who knows why a woman with two perfect little girls would end her life, but I’m not here to dig.
“I’m Gabi,” I say as I hold out the balloons to each of them. Katya is shy, just staring wide-eyed at me. “These are for you, but we can put them on the ground if you’d like so you can carry on playing.”
“Papa will hold them,” Irisha says, grabbing the balloons and trotting over to where Petrov is standing, still in the same stance with his gaze burning on me.
I straighten under his all-consuming inspection, and that hot flush from earlier seems to brush over me again. My years in convents and some other things led me to being uncomfortable in men’s company and doubting their intentions, cross-examining everything they say to find the lie. It’s taken these six weeks with my brothers to fully trust them, but when a stranger looks at me, I cower inwardly, looking for the nearest exit.
Ivan Petrov, for all that we haven’t even been introduced yet, seems to look almost right through me like an X-ray, seeing everything that’s hidden from the world.
And I don’t cower. I melt.
Oh, no…this is a first.
My pulse rushes to where I need it least. My heart ups its beats per minute, and that crazy, unwanted heat seems to settle low in my belly, where eventually, with a bit more encouragement, I’ll be wet at my core.
God help me.
My plans are suddenly laced with a danger I didn’t foresee.That need I’ve always suppressed. A lone spark that could flare into a raging fire, destroying me in the process.
The Catholic church’s doctrines were a good foundation for messing with my head when it comes to intimacy, but the men working in God’s name have had me questioning everything for years. I might question, but the paradigms have rooted so deep that even this sensation feels like sin. I have no clue what it’s going to take to wipe my slate clean. To reset myself to factory settings.
Focus, Gabriella,I warn myself.
Be ready to serve, and do so in God’s name, Gabriella.You’re about to be tested like you’ve never been tested before.That night, after I read Mom’s letters, Mother Lucia hugged me close and whispered these last words to me…as if sheknew.
The memory of Mother Lucia presses up in my throat, and I swallow. She’s dead, because of me. I’m grieving, and I will serve, in her name. No man will stand in my way, but this Iwillswearto God: I will honor Mother Lucia’s death by being the good Catholic convent girl she expected of me for as long as it takes to get away from that Russian monster for good.
Then I’ll run, ripping myself from my family not only to save myself, but to protect my brothers and their wives. In the process, I’ll strip away my past and weed out every overgrown religious paradigm in my mind. It will be my final salute to Mother Lucia, my ultimate fuck-you to every corrupt priest, and the pinnacle of the freedom I crave.
With this plan in place, I steel myself and walk over to the three men, eyes downcast but feeling every gaze on me.
