Page 124 of I Dream of Dragons
“Yes.”
“And he didn’t bother to come looking for me,” she says on a breath. “He didn’t care if I lived or died.”
I just keep gazing at her, waiting as she works through her anger. I understand. For a while, she’d convinced herself that he was the one she’d given her heart to. Shedding the last of her expectations, seeing him from yet another angle, isn’t easy.
She came here and entered the games to get close to him and kill him.
Then, by the time I kissed her and figured out who she was, he tricked her into thinking he was me.
And now she’s still putting together all the pieces.
“My only use to him,” she whispers, “was to influence you, to hurt you because your pain would make Phaethon stronger.”
“If I thought I lost you,” I say softly, “lost you again, then I’d give up and let Phaethon rule me. Let the gates open and the dead return, distort time and sequence. Allow the fucking fae to invade other worlds.”
“Jai,” she whispers, “love?—”
The door opens. Two guards appear. They usher in King Rouen.
He sweeps inside, his ridiculous golden mantle trailing behind him. Rage sparks in his eyes at seeing me with her. Not because he loves her, but because he’s possessive of his toys.
“I have your back,” I whisper in her ear and her fingers spasm around mine. She trembles against me and I get up, hauling her up along with me. “Anax.”
He glares at us. “Bow.”
So we do. I bow. She curtsies. I’m still holding her hand. Her nails are digging into my skin.
“To what do we owe this honor?” I ask.
“How could I not come see how my betrothed is doing?” He flicks a hand at us. “Even though I was surprised to hear she was in your room.”
“Highness.” I pull her to my side. She gives me a faint smile.
The king’s gaze narrows on her. “We are grateful to Athdara for rescuing you from the sea.”
“But you sent nobody to help me,” she says, then bites her lip. “Your own betrothed, as you said.”
Those cold features remain impassive. “I sent Athdara.”
“You didn’t,” I snarl. “How can you lie about this? You didn’t tell me anything, I?—”
“Hold your tongue,” he hisses, his face twisting into an ugly mask. “My patience is at an end. I’ll have you lashed if you interfere again.”
My jaw is clenched so hard it aches. “And risk pushing Phaethon even deeper? Giving me more control? You didn’t send me. I sensed her fear and went out to rescue her.”
“Pain doesn’t scare you, does it, Athdara?” His attention is now on me, as I’d hoped. “Have you pondered what your bond to her means? What your pain will do to her? You’re made of shadows. You’re an Eosphor in human flesh. And your bond means she will feel your pain.”
“My pain won’t cripple her,” I say, turning to her. The bond between us isn’t yet complete. It can’t be complete while he has his mark on her. So… I bare my teeth at the king. “So yeah, pain doesn’t scare me.”
“Don’t forget that you need me,” he goes on. “Do you really think you will last much longer without my bite? I bet it is already affecting you. Without my magic to bring quiet inside your head, you’ll go back to being a snarling animal curled up in a corner.”
I shrug, pretending not to care, not to have worried this fear at the back of my mind until it fills my head, drowning me. I’ll never tell him how the prospect of having Phaethon resume his howling terrifies me.
Do you know what it’s like to have someone yelling profanities and alien words inside your mind non-stop, day and night? I’d rather have fucking screws hammered into my skull.
“I’ve learned to live with it,” I lie. “With Phaethon inside my head.”
I haven’t had the bite since the first trial and Phaethon is getting louder. He isn’t always in my head or I’d have long lost my mind, but whenever I lose even a sliver of control, he rises to the surface, demanding to be let out and at night… I can’t sleep, and when I do, passing out, I wake up to his shouting.
