Page 136 of I Dream of Dragons
“Stop,” I say. Heat splashes my chest and neck when one of the healers lifts her brows at me. It’s none of their business who I’m fucking, I remind myself. It’s nobody’s business but mine. I lower my voice anyway. “Fucking can’t change a man or woman’s heart.”
“You are right. I told you, I respect you.”
“And the little fact that I’m against you opening gates for the fae king?”
“You are but a little human. What would you know about what is best?”
I huff a breath of laughter. “Of course you would say that. And in case you were interested to know, this isn’t a respectful attitude.”
“I respect some of your qualities. Not all.”
“Well, I don’t respect you at all.”
He frowns. “Oh?”
“You earn respect, as you well know. And you haven’t earned mine yet. Being an ancient being doesn’t automatically get you respect, Phaethon.”
“And what would?” he asks as another of the healers applies a poultice that stinks something terrible to one of the deeper welts on his back.
“You warmed to me because you say I’m courageous and saved Jai. I expect the same from you.”
“… to save Jai?”
“That is near the top of my list, yes. Also, to let him speak to me, be with me when we want to be together.”
“Because you dislike being with me.”
“No, that’s… that’s not why.”
He watches me with a glint in his dark eyes. “That’s it, then? That is what you want? For me to give you better access to Jai?”
“And to think of others before yourself. To think of all the people who are suffering at the fae king’s hands and how many more will suffer if you help him. Think of the humans and don’t laugh;cry. Weep for their plight and help them.”
“You ask too much,” he mutters. “My place is not in this world.”
“Your place is where your heart is. Find that place and you will not wish to leave ever again.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
PHAETHON
“Your place is where your heart is.”
I’m lying on my chest on the narrow bed, my ruined back covered in ointment, poultices, and bandages, the pain so sharp it cuts through my composure… and the little human is talking about things she doesn’t understand.
Or maybe I am the one who doesn’t.
I had a body and was alone inside my head so long ago I can barely remember what it felt like. Centuries ago. Millennia ago. I lived for a purpose I can also barely recall. I would never admit to it, but I don’t really know what is driving me. What I want to go back for.
If I admit it, to myself as well as to others, it will be like admitting defeat. Like there will be nothing to keep going on for. All this time, I have clung onto the few facts I do remember religiously, like sacred relics.
My people.
Our home world.
The goal of returning there.
Is it any wonder my goals aligned with the king’s? We have the same idea, the same mission: freedom. A freedom above thatof broken bonds. A freedom that has to do with living in a world made to your measure, a world for creatures like us who are made of flesh and metal, flying and clashing, and eating… what do we eat? How do we live? What were we made for?
