Page 141 of I Dream of Dragons
A smile twitches at his mouth, though he’s still not looking at me, his eyes unfocused. “The king’s words don’t affect your love for him, do they?”
“The bad things he did?” I turn around and start pacing. “That wasn’t him. That was you.”
He gives a dry chuckle. “He is the general of the king’s armies. He is the one hunting humanfolk, squashing the rebellion.”
“No, the king didn’t say Jai was the one doing all that. He said you were doing it.” I stop pacing and point an accusing finger at him. “You.”
A light chuckle. “Come, Little Human. Don’t let our convoluted co-existence confuse you. We alternate. Jai doesn’t sit at home knitting while I pillage and kill. And if you believe what the king tells you, then you believe that Jai killed your family. Do you?”
“No, of course not. Jai would never do such a thing.” I sigh. “I want to talk to him.”
“Jai… has done everything in his power to keep me locked up inside his mind. So intent he has been on keeping me prisoner, in fact, that he became dependent on the king’s bite and the comfort it offers. He’s addicted to it. He’d do anything to havethat quiet it offers in his head.” He cocks his head at me. “He’d kill for it. And he has killed for it.”
“No…” I shake my head. “Not Mars, not…” My chest is in a vise. It’s crushing me. “Damn you, let me speak to him!”
“It doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid.” His lips pull back in a dangerous grin. “My lady.”
“Well, then this discussion is moot, because I don’t believe you. I don’t believe a word you say! Jai—Mars—would never betray me. He’d never kill my family because he’s not cruel like you. He had no reason to do it! And not letting him speak isn’t helping your case.”
“Mycase.” His grin twists, then falls. “You like him. I told you it was a bad idea.”
“Let go of him. He will explain.”
“That would be an even worse idea. You are in love, and so is he. His heart is too soft without me.”
“His heart is fine,” I growl. “Leave him be, Phaethon.”
“He needs me,” he says.
“Fuck you.” Fury sends my heart pounding. “I’ve seen him fight without your input and he had no trouble. He’s doing perfectly fine. He doesn’t need you. You’re the one who needs him because without him, what are you? Just a nasty, foul spirit wandering the world for an eternity.”
He regards me in silence. “You are right. I do need him. And I need to open that gate and go home.”
“Phaethon—”
“My people and I… we are one. I told you. I am their head. They are my body.”
“And like I told you, they must have found another head by now,” I snap. “You have a perfectly good body here. So what’s your excuse for your arrogance and selfishness?”
He growls. “Go to your room to rest, human, and mind your own business from now on. I am becoming tired of dealing with you.”
“Except you liked fucking me, didn’t you?” I prod.
His eyes darken for a moment. His mouth twists again. “As I recall, so did you. Is there a point to your question?”
Maybe not. He confuses me, almost as much as Jai.
You hate and love Jai in almost equal measures—or you did, until you found out he’s the boy you once loved. And now?
Now I’m in shambles, because I love him and ache for him and miss him, and nothing was ever simple, but the threads have become so tangled that the knot seems lethal.
“Fine,” I say, struggling to breathe. My ribcage seems to contract, crushing my lungs. “I’ll leave you and go to my room, then meet the king for dinner.”
I can’t let him see the sweat beading my brow, the way I press a hand to my chest. I can’t be vulnerable around him. Around Jai, perhaps, but Phaethon is such an unknown quantity.
I don’t know what he reports to the king, and his grudging respect hinges on my courage and strength, so… No weakness. Can’t appear feeble to Phaethon. My survival may depend on it, especially in the next trial. What if he takes over Jai and lets me die?
I may not know yet how to kill the king and solve this mess, but I do know that I’m not ready yet to give up.
