Page 159 of I Dream of Dragons
The need to complete the bond, to secure it, drums through me. I want to put my mark on her and drink her blood, I want her to put her mark on me and drink mine. I want to become one with her forever, now and later, when our thoughts have ceased and our bodies have returned to dust, leaving only our souls to wander the worlds.
She lifts her hands to my face, her gray eyes unfathomable, yet full of emotion. “Jai?”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she whispers. Miserable. Her small hands slide down my neck to my arms, nails digging into the muscles there. “You are the king’s general. You have killed my people. You can’t deny that.”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“Now you want me to run away, to save myself when I came here for revenge. I want to make this world a better place, but I also want…”
“Tell me. Tell me what you want.”
Her mouth trembles. Sad. Soft. “You. I’ve always ever wanted you.”
My blood thuds in my ears. “Tell me.”
“I can’t…” She turns her head to the side, biting her lower lip. Those pretty eyes shine too brightly. “Can’t refuse you. Can’t lose you.”
That admission… it pulls on my dead heart, reanimating it. Little by little, she’s coaxing it back to life.
This is such a fucking bad idea.
I look down at her and ponder her anger, so justified, and her grief, so sharp even after all this time. I wish I had the answers she seeks. I wish I could reassure her, swear to her that I would never hurt her. I wish I had all my memories.
I wish I could tell her I’m not a villain.
But then she reaches up before I find the words, startling me. Stroking my face, her eyes still full of tears, her mouth still trembling, and I can’t help myself.
I shouldn’t. We shouldn’t. It will complicate things, it’s not what she needs, what we both need. We should take our time to think and talk, untangle this web, and complete this puzzle.
I can’t stop, and yet… Yet I will if she doesn’t want it, I tell myself wretchedly, she only has to say no or push at me and I will stop. It doesn’t matter that I’m dying to have her. I’ve been dying for a long time. I will die the moment she stops wanting me, die a thousand deaths.
But she sobs my name and tugs my face down. Her mouth presses against mine and that’s it, I’m gone. Lost in her.
She wants to kiss me. She wants to taste me. After everything, she still wants me, and even if it’s just for tonight,even if it’s a bad idea, I’m a greedy asshole and I will take it, take what my body and soul have been hungry for.
She’s mine, and I’ll claim her.
She’s mine, and I love her.
My last thought is that I have to question Phaethon about Marsyas. About myself. About the moment we merged.
And I have to convince him to abandon this plan of opening the gates. Who knows? We might reach an understanding. It’sworth a try.
She’s worth a thousand tries and all the possibilities and choices in the Nine Worlds.
She’s worth everything. I may be a bastard, throwing the world away for one person, but when this person is her, I don’t have to explain myself.
Can’t explain.
Damn me to the hells, but without her, the Nine Worlds can fall to ruin for all I care.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
RAE
I shouldn’t.
