Page 59 of Cage of Destiny
Since the day she met him,she hadn’t thought of him as anything other than a friend. “I’m… Ihaven’t pictured us with children,” she said carefully, becausesaying being intimate with one another was not a conversation shecared to have right now. Still, that was what she needed to figureout. Could they be husband and wife in all ways?
“Why not?” heasked.
“Because I was withOdar.”
“You’re not with himnow.”
“I know. I see us workingwell together. I just want to make sure we have a… physicalconnection too.”
He chuckled. “Are you saying you wantto kiss me?”
She rolled her eyes.
“Well?”
Honestly, she hadn’tthought about kissing him. But now that he’d broached the topic…“Do you want to be my… husband?” He hadn’t answered the questionearlier when she asked. And there was a distinction between beingmarried and being husband and wife.
“Yes.” The word came outthroaty and ragged, tugging at something inside of her. “But onlyif you want me to be.”
She stopped directly behindhim. It was easier to talk to his back right now. “Is that trulywhat you want? For me to be your wife?” Would he be content withher? Was she enough for him? Did he want to kiss her to see if theyhad a spark?
“Yes.” He slowly turnedaround, and her breath caught. His masks were gone, revealing avulnerable man filled with immense burden and… a longing she hadn’tseen before. Hadn’t allowed herself to see or acknowledge becauseshe’d been too blinded by Odar. “Since the moment I met you, I’vewanted you.” His eyes widened infinitesimally, as if shocked byadmitting that out loud.
She couldn’t breathe.“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
In that moment, sherealized that even though she hadn’t known Kerdan for very long,something about him feltright.There was a mutual trust and respect betweenthem. When her parents had first told her they expected her tomarry to further Emperion’s position and to secure the crown, she’dfelt stifled and as if she had no control over her life. Now, withKerdan, her feelings were quite the opposite. For the first time,she felt free. Free to choose. Free to love.
“So,” Kerdan said, taking aslow, measured step toward her. “I need to know if you want me. Iunderstand that you need more time to consider it, to think of meas more than a friend, and I’ll give you as much time as you need.But, please, don’t make me suffer too long.” He smiled ruefully ather.
Suddenly self-conscious,she averted her gaze. “I won’t.” Did she want to be his wife inevery sense of the word? She peered up at this man beforeher.
“I’ve pushed everyone awayfor so long,” he said, “that it is strange to allow someonein.”
All she’d ever wanted fromOdar was for him to let her in. She needed to stop thinking aboutOdar and comparing Kerdan to him. They were two very differentpeople, and it wasn’t fair to pit them against oneanother.
“We should get back. I’msure it has been ten minutes. I’d rather not upset your father morethan I already have.”
“There’s something I needto do before I return,” she said.
“I’ll meet you back atcamp.” Without hesitating, he turned and left the clearing. Noquestioning what she planned to do, no telling her to be careful.Total, complete trust.
Allyssa removed the woodenring Odar had given to her. As she stared at it on the palm of herhand, she didn’t feel much of anything. No hurt, no anger, no love.The realization saddened her. Curling her fingers over the ring,she squeezed it. It was time to let it go. Time to say goodbye toOdar. Kneeling, she dug a small hole with her fingers, placed thering in it, and covered it up with dirt. One part of her life wasover; it was time to start the next phase. And this one didn’t feelconfining, stifling, or uncertain. Instead of feeling caged by herfuture, excitement for the unknown coursed through her.
***
They sat around thecampfire, Kerdan using a stick to draw the house and stables. “Theforest surrounds the duke’s lands. We’ll enter from here.” He drewa line representing the road leading to the duke’sproperty.
“Have you been inside theduke’s home before?” Nathenek asked.
“No,” Kerdan responded,gripping the stick. “I have two hundred and fifty men hiding in theforest, waiting for my signal to attack.”
Darmik nodded. “The trickwill be getting in the house without Jana sneaking off the landsomehow.”
“Which is why I want tosend Hurit and Larek in first,” Kerdan said. “Zerek will recognizethem, allowing us to gain Jana’s trust. Then we attack before sherealizes what’s happening.”
“Zerek? The soldier whoidentified us in that deserted village?” Allyssa asked. Kerdannodded.
