Page 40 of The Bones We Break
No, no, no. Please.
A sob broke free from my lips as I took in the utter destruction. My bed had been burnt right in the middle, a huge black mass spread across the sheets, the soft cotton melted, until the springs of the mattress were exposed. Frantically, I scanned the room for my holdall and ran towards it on the floor, dropping the knife I fell to my knees, a sharp pain fired up my bones and I screamed. I screamed until there was nothing left inside of me, until my lungs were crying out for oxygen. The entire bag had been ransacked. All my clothes cut into pieces, the money and burner phone, gone.
This, no. This can’t be happening. It can’t.
My fingers gripped into the carpet as unrestrained fury ran through my bloodstream like lava. I lifted my eyes away from the bag and spotted the switch-blade on the ground where I’d dropped it. Quickly picking it up, I wrap my hand around the handle, gripping it tightly until my knuckles turn white.
I’d never felt anger quite like this, the kind of anger that has you screaming and crying and clawing out of your own skin. In a quick decision I bring the sharp blade to my jugular and press it into my skin. My hands trembling. I could end everything now, one swift slice and I’d bleed out right on this carpet, the fibres would soak up everything inside of me. I’d feel nothing but peace. Silence. All my troubles would float away like leaves in the breeze.
My old friend, the darkness comes swooping in like a dragon, ready to claim me and maybe I was ready to be claimed. There was nothing left for me here, everything I had was gone, taken from me again. Maybe I’m making a mistake but I can’t take it anymore.
Pulling the knife away from my throat, I gently lie back onto the carpet, my arms spread out to the side of me, closing my eyes for just a moment, listening to the silence, embracing it, basking in it. This is what it would be like all the time, just silence. You see, I’m not scared of death. I always knew it would come for me eventually. A silent killer that I would never outrun, but I never expected it to be so soon. I’m not sure if I’m fully ready but maybe I should give death exactly what it wants.Me.
Slowly my arm rises from the carpet, almost like I’m under a spell, the sharp knife glinting in the glow of the light, bringing it to my opposite arm, I push the sleeve up with the blade until my bare skin is on show. The wounds lacing my skin are all in various stages of healing. Some are stark white against myskin, others still open and fresh, the blood clotting around the opening. Without even thinking about it, like it’s become second nature to me I bring the blade to my skin and slice downwards, the thin skin breaking open under the pressure. I go deeper this time, determined to finish the job, the thick blood pours profusely from the open wound, covering my forearm in a sticky layer. The knife slips from my fingers and falls heavily to the ground as I feel my heart pump the blood around my body until it forces it out of my arm. I don’t make any attempt to stop it, I just let it be. I accept it and hopefully death will accept me in return. The heaviness takes over my body, like I’m being pulled through the floor by an unknown force to another realm.
My world slowly starts to come to and end and the last thing I see behind my heavy eyelids are forest green eyes.
Shooting up from my position on the couch I wake with a start, but this time it isn’t the usual nightmares that plague my sleep. This time, something isn’t right, I can feel it in my gut and I trust my instincts wholly.
The living room is cloaked in darkness, the only light coming through the open curtains that I must have forgotten close when Eli left. I steady my breathing for a moment, Lyla’s big brown eyes look at me with concern, maybe she’s feeling the same as me. I can’t afford to second guess myself, and jump up from the couch, racing into the kitchen to find my phone and keys on the counter, then quickly run over to the front door and swing it open.
“Stay here and hold down the fort. I won’t be long.” I tell Lyla whilst giving her head a quick scratch. She tips her head to the side then lies back down on the couch. “Good girl.” I praise, then leave the house, locking the door behind me. Taking the porch steps two at a time I land on the gravel and start sprinting towards my truck, pressing the key fob to unlock it and throw myself inside. Starting the engine, I high tail it out of the driveway and straight to Ana’s apartment, the tires skidding and spinning as the truck tries to keep up with my heavy foot on the accelerator. The trees that line the outer edge of the land whizzpast in the darkness, and start to disappear as I make my way into town.
My stomach’s in knots, like it’s being squeezed in a vice. The moment I found out who Ana’s husband was I knew she wasn’t safe here, especially on her own and the dreadful feeling that I’m experiencing now is enough to confirm that. My gut has never failed me before and I know it won’t fail me now. It probably sounds stupid considering I’ve only known her for a couple of weeks but she doesn’t even realise how far she’s buried herself into my skin, into my life and I refuse to flush her out now. So where Ana is concerned I’m going to trust my instincts and pray to whoever will listen that I’m wrong this time. I speed through the empty streets, my hand gripping the steering wheel until the leather begins to creak under the pressure. I only needed to follow Ana home once to completely memorise the path to take. Making it to the edge of town in record time, I spin the truck down a quiet side street, the friction between the tires and the road causes a deafening squeal as I fire it down the road before pulling up in front of Ana’s building. My chest heaves as I look through the windshield to find the lights on in her apartment, but I don’t see any movement. Options fly through my mind at whether I should go up there to see if everything is alright, she could be absolutely fine and kick me out or, the worst could have happened. Her psycho husband could have found her and taken her from me. I decide to go with the latter and face the consequences later.
Jumping out of the truck and slamming the door behind me I sprint up the steps that lead to her building and push the door open, noting that it doesn’t even have a lock to keep people out. The blinding lights flicker on as I make my way up the steps towards the second floor where I saw Ana’s lights on. Pausing at the edge of the small hallway, noting only a couple of doorsline the walls but only one of them is left open, the rest are shut tight. Patting my back pocket I make sure my phone is still in there in case I need it and begin to take small, quiet steps into the hallway, silently putting one foot in front of the other until I reach the open door. My anxiety peaks as I notice the lock of the door is smashed to pieces on the floor, fragments scattered all over. My fight or flight instincts begin to kick in and I slowly push the door further open to reveal the utter chaos of a small living room. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think a deadly bomb was let off in here.
An aching pain begins to bloom behind my eyes at what I’m seeing, my brows pulled tightly together as I try to piece everything together. For all I know this might not even be Ana’s apartment and I’m just walking into a robbery scene. Shards of glass crunch underneath my shoes as I walk past the small connected kitchen and into a short hallway that leads to a bathroom and a bedroom. The dimly lit bathroom seems to be the only room that’s come out of this unscathed, so I turn towards the bedroom, the door slightly ajar, the scene quickly begins to unfold. The bed is covered in scorch marks, a massive black hole in the centre where it’s been charred to a crisp, the sheets and mattress have melted right down to the springs. Pushing the door further open my whole world comes crashing down, everything I could have feared is right there in front of me. The sight of Ana’s lifeless body laying on the carpet has me running the short distance between us and falling to my knees, the carpet beneath her is soaked in blood, the dark liquid is still damp and shiny under the bedroom light. I pull her heavy body into my arms, brushing the hair away from her ghostly pale face and grab my phone from my back pocket and dial the only person I know who will break every speed limit to get here.
“Eli! You need to help me! Ana’s.. Fuck! She’s tried to commitsuicide and there’s so much fucking blood!” I beg and plead down the phone. He instantly tells me to send him the address, and I hear him through the phone shuffling around to get his stuff together. Immediately, I hang up and fire Ana’s address off to Eli before putting my phone back in my pocket, pressing two fingers against Ana’s throat to feel for a pulse, I wait in agonising silence as a barely there beat pulses under my fingers. Lifting my hand away from her neck, I bring it to her face and cup her jaw, giving her face a shake to wake her up.
“Ana, baby, please. You need to wake up.” Panic fires through my entire body when I don’t get any movement from her.Please. Please. Please, wake up.Ana’s eyelids slightly open, showing the whites of her eyes and I shake her face harder this time, squeezing her limp body to my chest. “Ana! Talk to me. Fuck. Please, I’m begging you!” I’ve never begged for anything in my life, but fuck, right now I’m pleading. I keep her pale face in my hand as her eyelids flutter, her perfect mouth parting ever so slightly. She begins to gain consciousness and panic starts to shake her body until she’s trying to pull away from me.
“Ricky! Please! Don’t hurt me! I promise I’ll be good!” She screams out at me, her arms flailing as she tries to claw away from my grasp. The refined agony that spreads across her features is enough to kill me where I stand.
“Ana, stop. Stop, it’s me-” She cuts me off by throwing herself around in a state of frenzy, wholeheartedly believing that I’m her husband. “Get away from me!”
Slipping my arms around her again, I keep her locked tightly against my chest, her blood covering my arms and soaking into my shirt as I cup the back of her head in my hand, bringing her tormented face into the crook of my neck, my lips grazing her ear.
“Mama, it’s me. It’s Dean. I’m not here to hurt you, I promise. Ricky isn’t here.” I plead. “You’re safe and help is on the way, okay? I’m gonna get you out of here and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure nothing happens to you.” The tremors in her body begin to ease as she focuses on my voice, her heavy breathing starts to slow to a regular motion.
“I’m.. sorry, Dean. I’m so fucking sorry. You don’t deserve any of this.” Ana’s harsh voice speaks into my neck and I instantly grind my teeth at her apology. How badly does someone have to be treated to truly believe that they’re the problem, that they’re the ones who have caused the torment. To the point where they believe they can no longer walk this world because of fear, hurt and anger. White hot rage spreads like a wildfire over my skin. I will be the end of Ricky De Rossi. I will personally deliver him to the gates of hell in bloodied and battered pieces, even if it kills me. Dropping my face, I rest my chin on top of Ana’s head, inhaling her sweet scent.
“Don’t ever apologise to me baby. You haven’t done anything wrong andyoudon’t deserve this.” I breath heavily through my nose to will the anger away as I hear what I assume is Eli making his way into the apartment.
“Dean? You good?” He shouts out.
“Yeah man, we’re in here.” Eli’s footsteps start to get closer until his frame fills the doorway.
“Shit man. Let’s get her out of here.” I lift up from my knees and carry Ana in my arms, tucking her into my chest. “Her husband has been here, or one of his fucking goons has. The place is a mess.” I make my way down the short hallway constantly checking on Ana to see if she’s still breathing, Eli following closely behind me.
“Fuck, I should of done a better job of tracking him, I letyou down man.” Eli’s voice is strained as he follows me out of Ana’s apartment and I stop abruptly in the hallway, turning to face him. “No, this isn’t on you. He’d clearly been in before we figured out who he was. None of this is on you.” His eyes show a world of hurt but he nods in quick succession and proceeds to walk towards the stairwell till we’re outside. The chilly bite of the cold air makes Ana shiver and I immediately pull her closer to block out the cold. Eli pulls open the back door of his truck and I gently lay her on the back seat before jumping in to sit at the side of her, gently resting her head on my lap. Eli rounds the truck and climbs into the driver’s seat and starts the engine. He looks over his shoulder at me, a concerned look covering his face before his eyes drop to Ana who’s doing everything she can to keep her eyes open.
“Let’s get her to the hospital and I’ll have a friend pick your truck up.” I simply nod and place my hand on the side of Ana’s face, brushing my thumb over her temple and tucking her ebony locks behind her ear. My gaze never leaves her as I watch her chest slowly rise and fall, counting the rhythm every time. I could have fucking lost her, before I’ve even had the chance to claim her. Her whole existence could have slipped through my fingers like fine grains of sand. The anger I managed to squish before starts to rise again, my molars grinding together until my jaw begins to ache. Red starts to bloom across my vision and I feel the deep rooted need to kill someone. Specifically Ricky.
After a short drive thanks to Eli’s rapid speed we pull up in front of the hospital, the double doors sliding open and closed as nurses and staff enter in and out. I waste no time in getting Ana out of the backseat and place her in my arms again, then I swiftly turn back to look at Eli who’s still sitting in the truck.
“Thank you.” I dip my chin at him, no other words are needed. “No need man. Take care of her. I’ll get someone tosort your truck and I’ll work on finding that piece of shit.” I can see the anger rising in his face at the thought of a woman being hurt. I know his mind is probably travelling back to his own mothers abuse at the hands of his father. He knocks his fist on the car door twice then pulls away before speeding down the road.
