Page 34 of Sleepless in Saunton
Mrs. Gordon noticed the blink and, clearly misunderstanding the reason for it, hurried to put her words to him. “I wanted to assure you that as a good Christian woman, I would never blame the child for the behavior of the parents. I think it is lamentable that society treats upstanding men like you poorly for something that is beyond your control.”
Barclay frowned as he digested what she had said. It was evident that Mrs. Gordon wanted to clarify that she would be receptive to courtship, but the way she had said it …?
He cocked his head as he sought how to politely defend the implied censure of his mother. “I appreciate the support, Mrs. Gordon. Be assured that Aurora Thompson was but a child when she met the Earl of Saunton. He took advantage of a young girl who had not yet achieved her majority, and there was naught she or my grandfather could do to set it right. She has paid the price dearly while the late earl dealt with none of the consequences of their association.”
The widow’s face fell in alarm. “I did not wish to offend. It is … admirable that Miss Thompson kept her child and raised him. Very commendable. Of course, as you say, she was merely a child herself when the incident happened.”
A mere one or two years younger than Jane.
Barclay’s discomfort rose. He folded his arms behind him to hide the tremble in his hands. “My mother is a fine woman, of quiet distinguishment.”
“Of course she is. The whole situation is quite lamentable. It is deplorable how some members of the nobility behave, blithely aware of their own superiority. I shall ensure I make your mother’s acquaintance forthwith. I am … hoping that our own … companionship will continue to blossom, and it is obvious that your mother is an important aspect of your life. I am certain that a connection with the widow of a respected vicar will assist her to claim … an increased element of respectability.”
“That would be appreciated, Mrs. Gordon.” It did not escape his notice that she was making a case for courting her.
They completed their walk, and the feeling of contentment he had enjoyed in the woods, the first time feeling such since Natalya had died, scattered like so many ashes in the wind.
A knot persisted in his stomach as he tried to think how he could proceed with a courtship of Jane without becoming an irreparable cad in the eyes of decent society. The problem was that he himself would have such private thoughts if he saw an acquaintance of his courting a woman of such tender years. How much simpler it would all be if Mrs. Gordon were the one he could not stop thinking of!
Barclay accompanied the widow up the steep stairs to the terrace. They parted ways as Aurora made her way over to speak to him at the balustrade. Mrs. Gordon stopped to curtsy and gush at his mother, inviting her to enjoy breakfast with her in the morning while Aurora contemplated her with a serene expression.
“That would be lovely, Mrs. Gordon,” she responded in her lightly accented voice. His mother’s mother had been a lively Italian woman, and Aurora had never lost the slight intonations from when she had learned to speak from his grandmama.
His mother eventually made her way to him, appearing relieved to have pulled herself away from the interaction. “Barclay, I must admit, I am pleased that you are taking our discussion to court seriously.”
Barclay inclined his head in assent.
“Son, there is no reason to hurry the process. Please assure me you will be certain before you offer to make a young woman your wife. What you had with Natalya was special, and our family enjoys … a pleasant dynamic. It would be ill-advised to disrupt your grandfather’s household with the wrong companion.”
Barclay’s lips curved into a smile at Aurora’s transparent attempt to meddle. “Are you saying that Mrs. Gordon is a poor choice?”
“Not at all. Just … be certain. There is no reversing that decision.”
“Why did you never marry, Mother? You are a beautiful woman, and I have to think there were some opportunities over the years?”
Aurora shook her head, her black hair gleaming in the shade of the terrace. “It is not a son’s place to ask such a question.”
He shrugged. “This has been an unusual trip we have taken. We have spoken on other matters we would not ordinarily broach in London, and I have always wondered.”
Aurora put her hands out on the balustrade, leaning down to look at the lovely landscaped gardens spread out beneath them. “Marriage is irreversible, and I never met the right gentleman. One who could accept my situation … you … and make me feel like taking the risk was worthwhile. Watching you with Natalya over the years—you were exceptionally fortunate to find someone who was your perfect counterpart.”
“It was difficult knowing that it had a time limit, but I would never erase my time with Natalya for all the riches in the world.”
Aurora turned back, her eyes searching his. “I believe you are destined to find such a connection again, Barclay. You have always been fortunate, and it is my dearest hope to see you happy as you once were. Assure me you will not settle … that you will be sure before you offer for a young woman?”
Barclay’s eyes flickered over to where Jane sat talking to the countess, leaning in as Sophia whispered something in her ear. Jane lifted a hand to Sophia’s face to carefully tuck an errant curl of distinctive red-blonde hair behind her ear. The countess laughed aloud that a Miss Toussaint would scold her for neglecting her hair if the lady’s maid were present to observe her current state. Richard’s wife was glowing with good health, her rounded belly a reminder of the child they would soon welcome into their family. Hopefully, the heir that the earl needed to protect his family holdings.
Barclay could not help imagining Jane with a babe. Her love of children was obvious from all the times he had seen her with Ethan and Tatiana. She would make a wonderful mother, and he could not help hoping that in that esteemed future, he would be the husband at her side. But would it be fair to expect her to mother a child of Tatiana’s age?
“I shall endeavor to think the matter through thoroughly before making my decision.”
How would Aurora react if and when he revealed that he might have found a true affinity with a young woman barely older than his mother had been when she had found herself in trouble?
Hell, if only Natalya were here to discuss the matter.
But his late wife had abandoned him since his first night at Saunton Park. Her spectral presence had departed, and he would have to find counsel elsewhere than in his memories and imaginings.
* * *
