Page 37 of Sleepless in Saunton
Richard pulled a face of sympathy. “I cannot imagine how I would cope if anything ever happened to Sophia.”
Grimacing, Barclay smoothed his hands over his breeches as he thought about how he would never wish such an event on another man.
“Tatiana has made a request. She wishes to have a new mother, something Natalya made me promise I would take care of once she was gone. Tatiana is to grow up loved by two parents, and I am afraid … I allowed my grief to prevent my fulfillment of that promise.”
Richard leaned forward, pouring a cup of coffee and handing it to Barclay before pouring his own. “It seems a topic that requires some fortitude,” he offered in explanation when Barclay raised a quizzical eyebrow at the interruption.
Barclay sipped his coffee before leaning back in his chair to gaze at the ceiling while stretching his legs out. He had been doing this frequently since his arrival at Saunton Park—studying the ceiling and cornices—a habit he had developed when he felt under pressure. “I am attempting to move on. To notice the women in my surroundings and note if there are any who appear to be suitable. However, there are complications.”
“Complications?”
“First, there is my parentage. As we discussed, it is difficult to be a man in my position. It is even more so for my mother and daughter. Natalya knew she only had a short time to spend with me, so she forwent such concerns to follow her heart, but a new wife … she may have to deal with the same issues for decades, and I do not wish to inflict that on a respectable woman.”
Richard cocked his head. “You do not think that matters will be improved … because of us?”
“Perhaps. Only time will tell. Even if matters improved, there will still be certain doors that remain shut. Some people are … self-righteous.”
The earl laughed. “I find they are usually the ones up to no good themselves.”
Barclay smiled, enjoying a moment of unity with his younger brother. Richard had made every effort to build a brotherly relationship between them, and for the first time, Barclay felt a flicker of genuine kinship. “Just so. The guilty seem to speak loudest in accusation.”
“Agreed. When I acknowledged Ethan as my son, I had at least three peers snub me within the halls of Westminster. Men I happen to know have fathered secret children the length and breadth of London. They dared to disdain me for taking the honorable path, while they failed to take full responsibility for their own progeny. It was all I could do not to ask after their sons and daughters with solicitous concern.”
“What did you do?”
“I disdained them in return. If they have such little integrity, they are not worthwhile connections. They are riffraff, despite the blue blood flowing through their hypocritical veins. But, then, I have the advantage of more powerful connections than they. The duke alone makes for a powerful ally in most matters.”
“What of Sophia? Were there consequences for her when you acknowledged Ethan?”
“Some. None that perturb her. She is an unusual woman who is not overly fond of polite society.”
Barclay’s eyes scrutinized the cornices while he mused on this. “There are two candidates who might lead somewhere interesting. One is eminently suitable …”
“And the other?”
“The other … I do not know that it would be appropriate. But we share something. An affinity that runs deep. Something I have only experienced one time before.”
Richard sighed. “With Natalya?”
“With Natalya.”
“I once thought to marry someone suitable. I spent several Seasons searching for the suitable choice. My plan was to have the type of marriage favored by the nobility, where we barely spent time together and I continued my pleasurable pursuits discreetly on the side. Then one night, I overheard a young lady lambasting my character to her cousin, and I … Please, do not scorn me when I say this, but I simply lost my heart. It made little sense to pursue her, but I simply could not imagine an existence without her by my side to disparage my prior roguish pastimes with her cutting wit.”
“The countess?”
“Indeed. Sometimes your heart knows what you need more than the brain does. I needed someone strong, opinionated, who would not accept things as others expect them to be. Someone who would confront me about my worthless behavior. My heart recognized the void she would fill in my immoral existence, and my mind caught up.”
Barclay lifted a hand to smooth his beard as he thought about what the earl had revealed. “The second woman is … a revelation. I just hope I would do right by her if I pursued the affinity we share.”
“I cannot say, but I will say that it is easier to contend with life’s challenges when one has the right partner at one’s side.”
That was something Barclay missed. A wife and partner who always had his best interests at heart. Who was always on his side, even when he erred.
Clearing his throat, Barclay broached the most awkward of questions. “As you are a man of experience … if I were to pursue her … how does one go about courting?”
The earl was suddenly assailed with a paroxysm of coughing, quickly setting down his coffee cup before fidgeting with his cravat. Barclay narrowed his eyes while his brother squirmed with apparent shame. “I do not really know all that well.”
“I do not understand.”
