Page 39 of Sleepless in Saunton
“I do not wish to speak of it, Barclay.”
“Mother, please. I cannot stand to see you so distressed.”
Aurora held up her trembling hand to display a letter he had not seen from across the room. “I received a response from the London Virtuous Committee of Charitable Endeavors.”
Barclay’s heart sank as he pulled his mother up from her chair to embrace her, where she wept into his shoulder. He was heartbroken to see her so distraught, tugging the letter from her hand so he might read what was causing her such distress.
“I was so sure … I allowed my hopes to become engaged, thinking that this new connection to the earl would sway the ladies to allow me entry … Oh, Barclay!”
A fresh wave of sobbing tore him in two. One half was devastated to see his strong mother reduced in such a manner, while the other half was enraged at the bitter old shrews who would cause his mother such pain.
Holding up the letter behind his mother’s head, he scanned the lines on the page while anger thickened in his gut, threatening his very self-control.
Dear Miss Thompson,
In respect to your recent application to join the London Virtuous Committee of Charitable Endeavors, in light of your connection to the Earl of Saunton, Lord Richard Balfour, I regret to inform you that the committee has rejected your request.
Corruption is the scourge of our age, and it cannot be discounted that there are members of the female sex who behave with the ornamentation of excellent social conduct, a mask of propriety, and affectations of virtue, yet harbor inappropriate passions. These women tempt our men to conduct themselves in base behaviors, contributing to the moral decline of our society.
Notwithstanding your unwedded status, you have shown no inclination to address your inherent moral turpitude. After these many years, you have yet to display piety, baring instead the ornament of lewdness in that you have remained unwed to signify your innate passions for men have not abated.
The committee has tasked me with notifying you that no further applications will be considered. This decision was unanimous and final, and there is naught to be done that will persuade the committee to change their position on this matter. Once again, we should like to direct you to take advantage of our charitable endeavors as a recipient, not a member.
Ever yours,
Mrs. Iona Campbell
Secretary to the London Virtuous Committee of Charitable Endeavors
Barclay did not like to display his emotions, but he was sorely tempted to rip the letter in two. Or perhaps tear the drapes from the fittings. Or throw something through the window. Anything to assuage his fury at the unkind and unmerited words.
When Aurora had told him she wished to reapply, he wanted to dissuade her, afraid she might be disappointed yet again. But she had been so confident that a connection to a powerful and wealthy earl might change the minds of the spiteful harpies, so he had not the heart to squash her dreams.
“These women are worthless, Mother! You must cast them from your mind and speak of them no more!”
Aurora’s tears had subsided, but her face still rested on his shoulder. “I should have paid you heed when you said not to write, but I was so sure …” Her voice thickened once more, and he was afraid she would weep again. Carefully, he settled her back into her chair and sat down, resting his hand on hers while he tried to find words of comfort. Guilt coiled within his belly, leaving him breathless from the strength of it. Guilt that, like a narcotic, threatened to drag him into oblivion.
“This is my fault.”
Aurora looked up at him, confusion on her tear-stained face. “Why?”
“If you had given me up, you would have been able to lead a full life, free of scorn and derision. No one would ever have been the wiser I even existed.”
“Never, Barclay! That was never an option. I would receive a thousand cruel rejection letters and never for a moment regret that you are in my life. This is just a silly dream that has been dashed for the last time. I am disappointed, but I will dry my eyes and life will continue.”
“I have never understood why this particular society was so important to you.”
Aurora sighed, hanging her head to focus on the hands she was wringing in her lap.
CHAPTER11
When Jane opened her eyes to the morning light, the elation of the evening before had not worn off. They had spent a magical afternoon together, and Barclay was considering a courtship. She wished she could have shared more kisses with him last night, but she had promised him patience.
She could not deny her optimism that it would all work out. Jane had known from the first that her sister and Perry belonged together, that Perry was to be Emma’s Darcy. After some setbacks, it had turned out to be an accurate depiction, which meant that her intuition in such matters had been proven correct. Which meant Barclay could very well be her Darcy … No, that did not seem right. Barclay was not a Fitzwilliam Darcy in character. But he could be her … Colonel Brandon? Sort of, but no. Mr. Knightley? No, that was not right either.
He was her … her … Jane gave up. There was no one to compare him to. He was simply … Barclay. And after the promising events of yesterday, she felt sure that soon he would beherBarclay if she just gave him some time to navigate his way out of the past and into a new future with her at his side.
Weary from the continuing insomnia that plagued her, but excited to see the gentleman, she threw back the covers and prepared for the day. She found her cart outside the door and wheeled it in. Then she ate her breakfast in a hurry, before using the mortar and pestle to create the strawberry water once more. She would happily have forgone the new beauty routine this morning, but she could not forget how Barclay had breathed his delight that she tasted of strawberries and almonds, and if there were a possibility of stolen kisses this evening, she wanted to be prepared to bewitch him once more.
