Page 43 of Sleepless in Saunton
She finished the lengthy poem she had composed, hoping that enough time had now passed that he would arrive at any moment. Sprinkling pounce over the words to dry the ink, she blew, then raised her head to learn the time. Her heart sank. It was ten minutes past one o’clock. Barclay should have been there by now. Pushing her chair back, she walked out to look for him, but the hall was empty and she saw no one in the corridor linking the family wing to the main house.
Confused, she walked back into the library to pace up and down. Surely he would visit to explain his absence all day?
Another ten minutes passed, and Jane’s heart beat like a drum in her chest while her belly knotted with anxiety.
After another twenty minutes of assuring herself that he was running late, or had not noticed the time, or had some correspondence to attend to, she walked over to slump into an armchair by the fireplace and accepted the truth she had been dreading since dinner.
He is not coming.
In all her years on this earth, Jane had never felt so despondent. Barclay was rejecting her. He had reached a decision and had not even bothered to visit to explain himself.
For the first time, true loneliness descended like a fog rolling in from the coast.
She did not want to pursue another gentleman. Barclay made her feel special. Not for her appearance, but for her mind and character. Perhaps when the house party was over, she would lift her spirits by visiting Emma at her new home.
This adventure to join the earl in his home for a Season, then this house party to introduce her to prospective suitors, had all seemed so exciting just a few weeks ago. Now Jane simply felt homesick. It was not turning out to be how she had hoped.
To make matters worse, it seemed even Tatiana was avoiding her now. She had yet to see the girl since she had run off before their game earlier that day.
Jane recalled the trouble she had gone to with the strawberry water that morning. There was no denying that she was a fool. Fortunately, no one was aware of her attraction to Barclay, so her foolish hopes were private to her … and the gentleman.
She chewed her lip while she tried to think of something to settle her despair. It would be even more foolish to grieve over a passion that had never truly begun.
Perhaps she should give Mr. Dunsford another try? Discover if he could accept the fact that she favored coffee? Learn what he thought of her poetry, even?
No, sharing her lines with another was too much to bear. It was a reminder of her magical evenings with Barclay, which made the tears she was holding back threaten to escape once more. If only Emma were here to talk to.
She would have to begin with revealing her coffee habit, then learn if Mr. Dunsford and she shared anything in common. Raising her hand, she wiped the tears from her lashes and rose to go to bed.
CHAPTER12
The following morning, Jane sat in the library with her cup in hand while she gazed out the window to the clouds banked in the sky. It was a perfect reflection of her current mood. Dark. Melancholy. Silent.
She had never needed her coffee as much as she had this morning. It was the only comfort she had found since Barclay had failed to appear the night before. Fortunately, she had a full pot to keep her company until she could rouse herself to leave the library. After tossing and turning all night, she had not yet eaten; her appetite had failed her.
No book had brought any solace.
Dawn had not brought the sleep it usually did since this insomnia had begun.
Perhaps she should return to her parents’ home in Rose Ash? She had slept fine there.
Jane grimaced. She had hoped to start the next chapter of her life, yet now she contemplated returning to the comfort of home. Perhaps she was too young to know her own mind. Perhaps she should speak to the earl about returning for a Season next year and take some time to mature a little more. Emma had returned home, and things had worked out beautifully for her older sister.
Except Jane held no hope that Barclay would follow her as Perry had followed Emma. Returning home would simply be a temporary retreat so she might lick her wounds, think about what she wanted from her future, and then return to the Balfour household for another attempt.
Lud, it all sounds a lot of effort.
She sipped her coffee again. If she could just get a full night’s sleep, perhaps she could reach a decision about how she wanted to proceed. Trying to make a life decision when she had not slept a wink was probably ill-advised.
Perhaps it was time to visit a herbalist and tackle this insomnia. She had thought it was the excitement of the unexpected Season that had ruined her sleep, but last night had been the worst yet and she certainly could not blame that on excitement. She had never felt less enthusiasm than she had in the past twelve hours.
Jane finished her coffee, turning to pour another cup and flinching in surprise when she saw Tatiana had taken a seat in the chair across the table without her noticing. Seeing the little girl was cheering despite her weary body and heart. At least one Thompson was not avoiding her.
The little girl was staring down at her slippers, her shoulders slumped.
“Tatiana, are you all right?”
“I came to tell you I am sorry.”
