Page 44 of Sleepless in Saunton
Jane tilted her head in dismay. “Whatever are you sorry for?”
“I am sorry that Papa is courting Mrs. Gordon.” Jane’s heart squeezed in her chest. It was true, then. Barclay had reached a decision regarding Jane. She had thought it was about his grieving, that he simply needed time, but it would seem he had decided she was not the right woman for him.
Jane poured her coffee with unsteady hands while she tried to compose herself. “I did tell you that your papa had to find his own wife. He is a good man, and whatever he decides, I am certain that you are an important part of his decision.”
Tatiana’s face was forlorn as she continued to study her slippers. “It is not right. I do not like that woman. I like you.”
“Oh, sweet girl. I like you, too. Whatever happens in the future, we shall remain friends.”
Tatiana turned to look at her, her deep blue eyes brimming with emotion. “The afternoon at the grotto, I thought …” She shook her head. “I was so … sure.”
Jane smiled, fighting back the urge to weep so she could be strong for the little girl who had known far too much pain in her short life. “Every moment with you has been a gift. I am certain that everything will work out for the best for you. Your papa loves you—” Jane paused to prevent her voice from breaking, then continued once she was sure she could speak. “—and he will do what is best for you. I know it. Please do not worry about me. You should put your attention on getting to know Mrs. Gordon if Bar—your papa is courting her.”
“Would you have courted him? If he had asked?”
Jane bit her lip. What was the right way to answer, so that she did not sound critical of Barclay? “It would be a great honor to be considered for the position of your new mother. I considered it a great honor the first time you asked me, and nothing will ever change how I feel about you.”
Tatiana jumped off her chair, running over to wrap her little arms around Jane’s neck, who had quickly set her cup down when she saw what the girl intended to do. She embraced Tatiana back, squeezing her little form to her bosom while she quietly released her dreams of becoming the mother the girl had sought.
“We are part of the same family now, Tatiana. We shall see each other often, and I can read youAladdinanytime you like.” Realizing she might be imposing on Barclay’s wishes, Jane winced over the girl’s shoulder and tried to retract the offer. “Although I am sure that Mrs. Gordon has read stories to her husband’s parish and will make a fine storyteller in my place.”
“Thank you, Jane.”
“You are, and always will be, very welcome, Tatiana.”
After their embrace, Tatiana ran off before Jane could offer a game of chess. Feeling slightly cheered to learn the little girl had not rejected her, Jane went to find some food to break her fast. Her appetite had awakened.
Entering the breakfast room, the one reserved for the Balfour family, she found Aurora reading over a plate of eggs and fruit. Jane went to fill her own plate and then sat down across from Barclay’s mother.
“How are you this morning, Aurora?”
“I am quite enjoying this visit. It has been a long time since Barclay has taken any time for himself. He appears happier since we arrived, and I must admit that, as a mother, it gladdens my heart to see my boy smiling again.”
Jane was silent, focusing on her plate as she digested this news. “I am … happy to hear that. He seems a good man.”
Aurora smiled. “The very best of men.”
Yearning pierced her chest. Jane struggled to control her breathing as she looked away. “Indeed,” she mumbled. Her appetite was deserting her once more. Perhaps she was a silly young chit who did not understand enough about life to make a suitable wife for a man like him. Barclay seemed to think that the widow was a far more qualified choice, and he was an intelligent professional. Certainly, he must have insight into matters such as marriage.
Pushing her plate aside, she rose to fetch a pot of coffee from the sideboard. Returning to her seat, Jane poured out a cup with relish. She added her cream and sugar before sitting back to sip the cup. Food be damned today. She was going to drink coffee until Barclay faded from her thoughts. It was the only thing that seemed to lift her spirits.
Jane noticed Aurora was frowning at the cup in her hand. Blazes, was the woman going to judge her for drinking the gentlemen’s beverage? She needed it right now. Jane prepared herself to be lectured like a young chit to complete her feelings of inadequacy.
“Jane, I know it is not my place …” Aurora looked around, evidently confirming there were no footmen about.
Here it comes.
“But I feel I must inform you of the troubles associated with drinking coffee.”
Jane took a sip to fortify herself, then set the cup down to force a smile. “You refer to the fact that it is a gentlemen’s beverage and not acceptable in social circles to drink it as a woman?”
“Well … no. That is too fine a point of etiquette for me to comment on with any knowledge. I was referring to the other issues.”
Jane frowned.
Aurora sighed, putting her fork down. “It is just that Tatiana mentioned that you have trouble sleeping at night?”
“That is correct.”
