Page 58 of Sleepless in Saunton
Raking through his recollections of the past few days, he quickly cataloged places Tatiana had visited in the gardens and park so he might begin his search.
He did not wish to involve the rest of the household in searching for her yet, but if he did not find her soon, he would need to ask for help.
Aurora was in the breakfast room but had not yet seen Tatiana. Barclay strode down the hall, exiting the manor onto the terrace. He peered in every direction but saw no movement in the gardens except for a group of gentlemen heading to the lake for fishing.
Stepping up onto the balustrade, he used the higher vantage point to scan the park, but still no sign of his daughter. Hopping down, he ran down the steps to search the area around the majestic oak where the ladies played nine-pins, but Tatiana was nowhere in sight.
His distress mounted as he accepted that it was time to ask his brother to form a search party. There were several ponds around the property, and his fear increased at the thought of Tatiana slipping into one of the waterways.
Barclay jogged back to the manor. The idea of something happening to Tatiana was too much to bear. He must find her.
CHAPTER16
After her conversation with Dunsford, Jane’s head was pounding so hard she thought she might faint. Holding a hand to her temple in an attempt to push the pain back, she vaguely remembered her quest—Aurora had said a small amount of coffee could assist with the symptoms. Now that she was alone once more, she quickly headed to the coffee tray. With trembling hands, she poured out an ounce of the black brew, adding a few drops of cream before swirling it in the cup and downing it.
Dropping into a chair, she licked the coffee from her lips and leaned her head back while she waited for the coffee to follow its course.
After several minutes, the pain receded to a dull ache. Raising her head, Jane opened her eyes and gently stretched out her neck. As Aurora had promised, the symptoms had dulled to a tolerable level, and for the first time since she had stopped drinking the evil beverage, Jane recovered the ability to think.
Quietly, she contemplated the situation with Barclay. If Emma were here, her sister would recommend she be honest about what she was feeling. Zounds. If their situations were reversed, she would recommend to Emma to confront her feelings. Shehadtold her sister something to that effect during her strange courtship with Perry.
Staring sightlessly out the window, Jane admitted the truth she had been avoiding since the night Barclay had failed to come to the library. She had foolishly fallen in love with the man.
Yet … had it been foolish? Everything in her being yearned to spend more time with him. More time with Tatiana. They would have had a perfect life together. Her ideal life. But she could not force the gentleman to court her, and only he knew what was right for his little family.
Clearly, he had decided that she was not it. Mrs. Gordon had something to offer, which apparently Jane did not. Which was why she was now making plans for her future. She had no choice—she could hardly sit around in her room and the library lamenting what could have been with the brooding widower. What a pathetic situation.
Nay, she needed to make her future. She did not want to return home unwed.
Rather, she wanted to begin a new chapter in her life, which was why she had made the decision she had while talking to Mr. Dunsford. She did not know why Barclay had cautioned her to think about it, so she had decided on the spot. There was no need to delay her response. The time for hesitation was over because attempting to be thoughtful and procrastinating the other night had lost her a chance at a great love.
She should have demanded her right to be taken seriously then, rather than earlier when they had quarreled. Now Barclay was committed to a path with Mrs. Gordon. For all she knew, they had already come to an understanding and planned to wed.
It might be too late to turn back the clock, but Jane would proceed with more decisiveness so she did not miss out on any more opportunities.
With that, she was reminded that Tatiana was missing. She had grown to know Tatiana well over the past few days—having an inkling of how the little girl thought, Jane could help find her. Straightening up, she thought about places perhaps she could look, her qualms growing now that she had recovered her wits. Tatiana needed her, and Jane was going to find her.
* * *
When Barclay returnedto the manor, he found several guests had congregated on the terrace. Waving to Mrs. Gordon, he headed over to talk to her. Perhaps she might have encountered Tatiana somewhere.
Drawing the widow away to the corner, he briefly thought of his intention to propose to her. That would have to wait until he located his child, but he admitted to himself he was experiencing a certain reluctance to take the next step with the woman.
Perhaps he was just tired. His sleeplessness had returned, and he was quite bored at night. Natalya never visited anymore, and he could not leave his rooms lest he encounter Jane in the middle of the night, so instead he had been pacing his bedroom in the moonlight.
Perhaps Mrs. Gordon’s presence will ease my sleep?
It seemed probable.
The widow smiled up at him from beneath the brim of her bonnet, and Barclay was reminded of his quest. “Mrs. Gordon, have you perchance seen Tatiana anywhere in the house or grounds?”
She looked confused for a moment, frowning slightly. “Tatiana?”
“My daughter.”
Mrs. Gordon’s face lit up. “Of course, the little imp with the silver hair.”
Barclay suppressed a surge of irritation. He was certain this woman was contemplating taking her place as his wife, but she did not know his child’s name? “Yes. Have you seen her this morning?”
