Page 59 of Sleepless in Saunton
The widow’s expression did not change, but something about how she spoke next made her cheerful countenance seem feigned. “Is she not in the nursery with the other children?”
Barclay sighed. “Tatiana has not been staying in the nursery.”
There was no mistaking it, the widow was appalled. “Why ever not?”
“My daughter is not accustomed with being parted from her family for excessive time, so she has been staying with her grandmother in her room.”
“Well … that is hardly the way to teach her independence.”
“She is nine years old, and she lost her mother only two years ago. We are allowing her to grieve at her own pace.”
“Two years is a long time. I would say it is high time the young lady attend a ladies’ seminary to master her accomplishments.”
It was Barclay’s turn to look appalled. “I thought you were telling me how you were sent to school too young?”
“I was seven. Tiana is nine years old. She should have been sent off when she was eight.”
“Eight! Her mother had just died.”
Mrs. Gordon thought about it for a moment. “You are correct. If one factors in some time for mourning, then she is the perfect age to be sent off to school. Perhaps I could contact the headmistress of my school in Surrey?”
“Surrey!”
“Yes. It is quite lovely. And the weather is mild like here in Somerset.”
As his mind tried to follow the shift of conversation, he became aware of the sound of birdcalls and the chattering of the guests behind them. He took it all in while he came to the realization that he had been wrong. Very, very wrong. And Tatiana had been right.
Barclay could not help himself. He raised his hands to rake them through his hair. If only he had listened to Tatiana. She had warned him that the widow did not like children, and now he knew his daughter’s instincts had been correct. Who would send such a young child away? A young child who suffered from night terrors and missed her mother like the devil?
He opened his mouth to argue these points, then shut it. He knew, without a doubt, that Mrs. Gordon would brush those issues aside as so much distraction from the issue.
Composing his thoughts, he prepared to speak again. “Would you like to have children?”
The widow’s face was aghast. “Goodness, no! I hoped that you would be done with all that since you already have a child.”
“Tatiana.”
“Of course, Tiana.”
“Tatiana.”
“That is what I said. Tiana.”
Barclay accepted that he had made a grave error. Tatiana had said that Jane was the new mother she needed. The new wife he needed. He had brushed his daughter’s assertions aside and pursued a woman utterly unsuitable while the perfect wife and mother had been before him. Jane had lovingly readAladdinto his daughter. They had partaken in activities together. She had even taught his daughter how to play cricket. With a smile on her face and tireless patience in her heart.
And Barclay had cruelly rejected her affections. Admonished her for her age, for her lack of experience. Snubbed her.
Now his daughter was missing, and he knew it was because he would not heed her advice to pursue Jane.
If only the ground would open and swallow him up. His behavior had been horrible. As horrible as this charming but shallow woman who watched him with a quizzical expression on her face, attempting to make sense of the familial bond he shared with his child.
It had been a horrible mistake when he had walked away from Jane. He now knew he had fallen in love with her that night in the library and fear had driven him to run from her. All the rest had been excuses he could have overcome. But fear had driven him to run. He had been afraid to love, as Tatiana had observed. Afraid to love and lose again, as he had with Natalya.
Barclay could not fathom his behavior. He had uncovered a deep fondness for a woman for the second time in his life, and he had thrown it away, giving in to his fear.
Even now, Jane could be agreeing to marry a disloyal little worm because Barclay had hurt her by denying their closeness. Which was his own fault, and there was nothing he could do to address it until he found Tatiana.
“Mrs. Gordon, I am afraid I must leave you to find my daughter. Who will be staying at my side where she belongs for as long as she so desires.”
