Page 29 of Sleepless in Saunton
“But if Mama were here, she would tell you that Jane is the one who is to be my mother.”
Barclay froze, his heart twinging in his chest with the pain of it. “If your mother were here, we would not be discussing who should be your new mother.”
Tatiana fell silent. She pushed away, dropping to her feet to go stand at the window, where she toyed with the drapes. “I do not wish to have Mrs. Gordon as my mother.”
“If matters progress with Mrs. Gordon, you will grow to like her.”
Tatiana turned back, her delicate face hardened with her outrage. “If Mama were here, she would say to look into my heart. I looked into my heart, and Mrs. Gordon is nowhere to be found!”
“What are you saying? That Jane is?”
She came forward, grabbing hold of his hand as if to implore him. “Yes. Jane likes to spend time with me. She reads me Ladin! That is what Mama used to do. It is a sign, Papa!”
Barclay shook his head. “How old are you, Tatiana?”
“Nine.”
“And how old is Jane?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think she is eighteen.”
“Why does that matter?”
“How many years older is she than you?”
Tatiana counted on her fingers. “Nine?”
“And how much older am I than Jane?”
Tatiana’s little face screwed in concentration as she counted.
“Aaah! One, two, three, four”—pulling his hand back, Barclay smacked it rhythmically against the other in time with his counting before flinging them both up in frustration—“there is something like thirteen or fourteen years between us! She is closer in age to you than she is to me!”
He stood up and, taking hold of her hand, he stalked out of the room with her back to her room, where he settled her in a chair near the supper tray that had been brought for her. “So there you are. It is a sign! I must pursue Mrs. Gordon. She is the same age as your mother!”
Tatiana scowled up at him, clearly at a loss for words.
He bussed a kiss to her mulish face and brushed her hair back. He could not remain in her company at the moment. Too many thoughts about this complication with Jane. Too many memories of Natalya. His mind was flooding.
He needed to get some distance so he might calm down. “I love you, little one. Your grandmama will be here shortly.”
With that, he rose to stride across the room. Yanking the door open, he found Aurora on the other side, her arm still extended to open the door. She swiftly pulled her hand back.
“Mother,” Barclay acknowledged politely before stalking past her.
CHAPTER8
The clock announced the last few minutes of the midnight hour. Jane’s quill hovered over the page of her journal, but she had no words to write. All she could think was that the midnight hour was ending. Their time. Would he make an appearance?
She had barely caught a glimpse of him all day, but now the manor was sleeping. Last night, he had startled her when he appeared while she sat in this same chair in this very room, encouraging her to speak her thoughts in a way that no man ever had.
Barclay appreciated her mind, and it was invigorating. No one had ever heard her verses before, but she knew he had been the right person to share her inner secrets with.
And he was right. She needed to take bigger risks. Put herself out there. Even if the gentleman was not interested in her, and even if she needed to pursue a courtship elsewhere, she would steal this interlude and use it to build her confidence in herself as a woman with a mind of her own, who had something to contribute to the world at large.
It was such a pity that their courtship was not meant to be because she was very much afraid that she had found the man Emma had spoken of. The one with whom she shared a meeting of the minds. If only he could look at her as a woman. As a potential wife.
