Page 31 of Caroline Saves the Blacksmith
Courting her properly would have been a better strategy, but he had been caught up in the magic of their connection and lost his senses. Hopefully, this would not impede his intended courtship.
It nagged at him that Caroline was hiding something. Something she was ashamed of. It was clear she did not realize that there was nothing she could reveal that would change his mind about his intentions. While she had been here, in his home, he had been entirely confident that the future he had foreseen would materialize. Now that he was alone, he was nervous that obstacles would arise.
He must convince Caroline they were meant to be together before she left this evening to return to her work. Their connection seemed inextricably entwined with the magic of the holidays, and he was worried that if they parted without an understanding, it would be difficult to rediscover this wonderful enchantment they had shared.
William could only hope that the vicar did not get carried away and keep the community in service for hours. It was hard to predict what the clergyman would do, and William needed all the time he could get to woo Caroline into an understanding before their day ended.
* * *
Caroline shiftedon her rented pew; one of the privileges of her increased income was that she no longer had to stand in church for the entire service.
The vicar delivered a lengthy sermon from his pulpit, but she barely heard a word of it. Could there be a worse place to visit in the aftermath of her repeated failings than this, the holiest of places?
She could only be grateful that it was a Christmas service of good tidings, rather than a sermon on the evils of man.
Rising to sing a hymn, her eyes fixed on the book in her hand, Caroline tried to make sense of her decisions. Her lips formed the words of the lyrics as her thoughts continued to race.
This connection with William differed from what she had experienced with the earl. Logically, she was aware of that, but it did not change the fact that two years earlier she had betrayed her friend in the most horrible manner that a woman could betray a friend.
It was ill-advised to lie with a man outside of wedlock. The possibility of children was an ever-present concern. Annie Greer had had a hard life with only one parent to take care of her financially, but at least she was in a reputable situation and did not have to contend with the additional burden of bastardy.
As the hymn ended, and the congregation once more took their seats, except for the poorer townsfolk who stood together in the section without pews, Caroline’s eyes fixed on the stained-glass windows.
It was ill-advised to lie with a man, but that was not the crux of her vow to remain aloof from others.
If she were honest with herself, the loss of the connection to Baydon Hall, to Annabel and Mrs. Harris, along with many of the other servants, had been devastating to a girl who had no one left in the world. They had been her only family until she had betrayed them so horrifically.
That Miss Annabel had seen fit to give her a reference and find her a new position had only emphasized what Caroline had forfeited with her terrible decision to dally with Lord Saunton.
She could never survive losing all her connections again. First, she had lost her parents as a young girl. Then her grandmother and only remaining relation. Later, as an adult, she had thrown away her acquired family in exchange for the glib attentions from a handsome nobleman. Losing everyone she loved for a fourth time was not to be borne. If she could not trust herself to remain loyal, she could not allow herself to form any close relationships.
Unfortunately, now that she was no longer in the presence of the blacksmith, Caroline was very much afraid she had grown far too close to William already.
She wished she was with him now, sharing a Christmas feast.
What had happened to her vow to remain detached? To focus on work? It kept her life simple to fill her waking hours with the bustle of activity and allowed her to keep her vow without risk of entanglements.
As she stood once more, turning to the next hymn, Caroline put her musings firmly aside. This was a problem for tomorrow. For this afternoon, she would share a Christmas feast with the blacksmith and eke out every second of joy she could from spending the holiday with someone. Anyone. Especially such a compelling man who exhibited such affection. A man whose company she genuinely enjoyed. She might never have another opportunity to experience the pleasure of his company, so she was going to relish this last Christmas memory before she must endure the coming seasons of her life truly alone. The universe had favored her with one last holiday to cherish, and she only had a few hours remaining before she returned to her normal life.
The hymn ended and Caroline sat once more until she realized that the service must have ended. Men and women, dressed in their Sunday best, were standing in pews in discussion about their holiday plans. Caroline stood up to exit the pew. Annie skipped from the standing section to meet her in the aisle. “Merry Christmas, Mrs. Brown!”
Caroline smiled down at the girl, pleased to see the flush of rosy cheeks and the gloss of silky hair. Annie looked so much healthier than when they had met several weeks ago. “Merry Christmas, Annie!”
“Did you enjoy the service?”
Caroline sincerely could not say. The words of the vicar had been lost with such pressing concerns weighing on her. “I did. Are you going to pick up your goose from Mr. Andrews?”
“Yes, Mum and I will leave shortly.” Annie turned to wave to her mum, who was in conversation with a fellow war widow. Mrs. Greer waved back, smiling broadly at Caroline and gesturing her thanks. Mrs. Greer had been gaunt when Caroline first met her several weeks ago, but now she had color in her cheeks and the glow of improving health. Caroline was pleased she had been able to help. Chatternwell had a number of war widows, which had strained the townspeople’s resources. Taking responsibility for the Greers as a new business owner made her feel part of her new community.
Caroline finished talking with Annie and hurried ahead of the crowd to walk to the baker. Turning in to Market Street, she strode swiftly to the shop, knocking on the door to get Mr. Andrews’s attention. She must be the first person to arrive from the service. He came over to let her in, and Caroline collected her order, which she had paid for earlier in the week. With great relief, she hurried back to her shop so that if anyone was passing, they would see her entering the millinery before she exited from the back.
Making her way along the alleyway at the back, and noting the brooding winter sky, Caroline chuckled when a chilly wind worked its way up the exaggerated cuffs of her green velvet cloak.
The blacksmith was correct that it was a highly impractical garment for dissuading the cold, but she loved it because it was so pretty and feminine. An eccentric creation that simply made her happy to don.
Reaching a cross street, Caroline glanced around to ensure no one was about to see her approach the blacksmith’s cottage. Once she confirmed the way was clear, she raced across the street to enter the alley on the other side. Excitement to see William again caused her pulse to race as she walked quickly, holding her skirts aloft to ease her passage.
* * *
