Page 34 of Caroline Saves the Blacksmith
“I know what matters. You are an admirable woman, and it would be my great honor to wed you.”
Caroline’s heart stopped in her chest. But he did not know her, not truly. He did not know what she had done. Why she was here in Chatternwell. He did not know that her benefactor was Lord Saunton, who had loaned her the funds for her shop and the services of his man of business. And he did not know why Lord Saunton had done these things. What she had done to Miss Annabel. She should not have accepted Lord Saunton’s offer of amends for their mutual past mistakes. Culpability lay squarely on her shoulders, but she had selfishly grabbed the opportunity to set herself back on the path that she and Miss Annabel had dreamed and chattered about as children.
She could never share these secrets with William. His esteem had made her feel whole, and she was not willing to ruin it, even if it meant they could no longer be together. If she held his regard, she would at least have the memory of this time with him. If she told him the truth, he would be disgusted, and it would destroy the affinity between them.
William must have sensed something amiss. He squeezed her hand gently. “I apologize for springing this on you. I had intended to … to court you and coax you into accepting me, but I was overcome with the joy of sharing this day with you and wanted it to never end. This decision is not lightly undertaken. I make no decisions lightly.”
Caroline raised her free hand to her cheeks to discover they were wet. Tears were streaming down her face. She was at once so flattered, so tempted, yet, on the other hand, terrified.
“What is it, sunshine?” William’s expression reflected genuine concern.
“Could we not talk about this now?” She had looked forward to spending these last few hours of Christmas with him before returning to her life. If she turned him down, for there was no other option, it would rob them of their festive enjoyment abruptly. Her eyes were so filled with tears, she could barely see him while her mind raced to find a conclusion.
He picked up a cloth from the table and gently dabbed her cheeks. “Is it so upsetting to contemplate a future with me?”
Caroline shook her head. “It is upsetting to contemplate a future without you.”
William gave a deep sigh, his shoulders lifting with the force of it. “I apologize for interrupting our meal. We can discuss this another time. Just … know that the offer stands.”
She nodded, the tension easing when he awkwardly raised himself back onto the settee.
Hesitantly, she reached out to pick up her plate while imagining what it would be like to accept his offer. To enjoy dinner with him forevermore. To perhaps have babes of her own to care for. To teach a daughter how to sew or to provide the fictitious child with her first embroidery floss. Caroline stared at the food on her plate, while these future possibilities danced in her head, imagining a little boy with his father’s black hair and blue eyes, pulling on the chain with his tiny hand to work the forge bellows while the blacksmith held him aloft.
It was so tempting to consider. If only she had not ruined her future two years earlier when she had broken trust with herself. There could be no idyllic future for a woman keeping shameful secrets—no trusting her to care for others when she had no faith in herself.
Resolutely, she lifted her fork and took a bite of mince pie, taking pains to relish the fruity treat and tear her thoughts away from things that could be nothing but sweet imaginings.
* * *
As they ate in silence,William fought his frustration. He almost missed the deadness of his soul these past years. At least then he had been entirely logical and not driven by impulse or emotions. The success of his business was due to single-minded focus, but he had a hard time recollecting what that had been like since Caroline had reawakened him from the dead and thwarted his careful plans to remain indifferent.
His timing was abysmal. There could be no denying it. He was impatient to hold Caroline at his side, to not let her go. As the time for her to leave drew closer, William felt a desperation to hold on to their magic. To hold on to them.
He had observed she had a secret she had not disclosed, and it had been a terrible miscalculation to ignore what his perception had told him. Proposing marriage while she was inhibited by an unknown burden had been a foolish mistake. All he could do now was distract her to restore their good cheer, so he might try again at a later date.
Chewing on the delicious mince pie, William slowly released his turmoil to enjoy this time with the woman at his side.
“This is the first Christmas I am celebrating in some years,” he finally confessed once his disappointment had settled.
Caroline took a sip of tea before responding, “Because of what happened to your cousin?”
William nodded. “I am pleased to be sharing this day with you.”
Her full lips curled into a smile, to his relief. Seeing her cry earlier had been too painful to bear. “As am I.”
He smiled in response. “Last year I worked after Christmas service.”
She giggled. “So did I! I was the housekeeper for a doctor in Somerset, so we had to take care of the family. Then we celebrated the following day with the feast of Saint Stephen’s.”
“Yet here we are, together in Chatternwell and eating this pie from Mr. Andrews.”
“Here we are.”
“I think perhaps this is how I would like to spend every Christmas.” He held his breath after he said it. What would she say to that?
Caroline stared down at her plate, seconds ticking by before she answered. “I would like that, too.”
William blinked, caught unprepared at this admission. Keeping a straight face, nevertheless, he was overjoyed to hear that she might consider doing that. It was a step in the right direction.
