Page 43 of Caroline Saves the Blacksmith
“Sweet? Loyal? Determined to secure your happiness?” the duchess responded.
Caroline clapped a hand over her mouth again. Had she spoken the words out loud?
“You did. What struck me during his visit was that you must care deeply about this man if you shared your secret with him. I was very pleased to discover that a man of such quality had taken it upon himself to speak on your behalf, but grew concerned when he informed me that his offer to marry you had been declined because of our shared history. Which is why I agreed to visit you. I would have come earlier, but this is the first day of Christmastide that did not have specific obligations to attend to.”
Caroline nodded. Yesterday had been the Feast of the Innocents, and the day before had been the Feast of Saint John the Evangelist. As her thoughts skittered about inanely, Caroline realized she was procrastinating due to shock. Ransacking her mind, she located her senses to finally say something that was … not deplorable. “I have long wanted … to apologize for my actions.”
The duchess nodded, setting her rich red-brown curls to bouncing. “This conversation is overdue.” She turned and walked away to inspect the shop, before coming to a stop by the door and glancing about to take it all in at once. “The shop is exactly as we imagined it as girls.”
“I thought of you often when I was preparing it for opening.”
Her Grace turned her head to gaze at her directly. “I have thought of you often, too. I was very pleased when I heard that Lord Saunton had taken responsibility for you and was financing our plans in my stead.”
Caroline inhaled in surprise. “You were? Why?”
“I never wished you ill. Your actions precluded us from continuing on together, and I will admit I was furious for a few weeks, but then my situation changed. What happened between us … it led me to the duke. If I had not caught you and Lord Saunton together, we would be unhappily married, but instead I am married to a wonderful man whom I needed. Who needed me. Now we have a strong young boy we both adore.”
Caroline slumped as she listened to this declaration, tears stinging in threat of a bout of weeping. “It is so comforting to hear I did not ruin your life!”
The duchess frowned. “Ruined my life, no. Lord Saunton was the very worst of rakes until he met his wife. We would have had a disastrous marriage.”
Caroline swiped the tears from her lashes with a trembling hand. “I am so happy for you … truly … but … hearing that … why do I still feel guilt? It’s been two years, and the shame has not worn off.”
Her Grace said nothing, contemplating the question until she sighed heavily. “Lord Saunton informed me he had to release the guilt. That it was not about what I thought of him, but what he thought of himself. He had to make reparations to the women he had wronged to reach a point where he could trust himself.”
“I do not understand.”
“It is not my place to forgive you. Forgiveness must come from within. None of us are free of mistakes, so you will have to find a way to come to terms with what you did.”
“I do not know how!” cried Caroline, feeling desperate to be so close to resolution yet still not finding what she was seeking.
The duchess walked forward, stopping before Caroline to take up her hands with her own and stare into her eyes. Caroline was enthralled by the warm gold and brown striations, unable to look away.
“Why did you do it?”
“I was so lonely. No man had ever paid attention to me before, and Lord Saunton was … charming and solicitous.”
“Be that as it may, what was the cost to your self-respect?”
Caroline shook her head. “Far beyond what I would be willing to pay if I was presented with similar circumstances in the future.”
“So you have considered your mistakes and learned from them?”
“I have.”
“And now I have assured you there was no lasting damage, and it all worked out for the best.”
“Which is gratifying to hear.”
“Then what do we do to restore your faith in yourself?”
“I suppose … speaking with you is the first step. I was initially angry when you told me Mr. Jackson had manipulated this meeting, but now … I needed to see you to express my regret.”
Miss Annabel nodded. “When I heard how deeply concerned Mr. Jackson was for your happiness … He is a good man.”
Caroline bit her lip, thinking about what came next. What could she do to ease her guilt? She had taken pains to not repeat her past, and the duchess said it had all turned out for the best, which was very good to hear, but still … She needed to offer some token of her regret.
Nay! Not a token of my regret, but rather a token of my esteem to demonstrate how much I value our shared past!
