Page 53 of Lord Trafford's Folly
Audrey’s face softened at the suggestion. Julius twisted his signet ring, trying to think what to say next to clinch the deal. He was not quite sure what he wanted from Audrey, and he needed some time and distance from her to sort it out, but it was essential that she be near when he was ready to address this in a more permanent manner. If she left, he would not have that opportunity to do so, and he was sure it would cause regrets. And what of the terrible guilt if he was responsible for her being chased from the only home she had ever known?
“I shall escort you to Stirling, and we will ensure that there is a babe.” It was all he could think to say. He waited, hoping she would accept those terms.
A babe? How do I feel about that?
That was an impossible question to answer, because he had never considered it. He was to never marry, ergo there was never to be issue to consider.
Issue?
Julius curled his lips in disgust. He had been reading far too much of Debrett’s if he was referring to children asissue. It was more of that ghastly appropriate language that polite society subscribed to. This was precisely the type of maturing he was attempting to avoid by remaining unmarried, yet here he was applying himself to the persuasion of a woman to marry him.
Audrey was deep in thought, nibbling on that plump lower lip she loved to abuse, until she exhaled. “I shall accept those terms, but I do not agree to you parading around London with your paramours without my approval. You will inform me if the terms are to change. If they do … I shall not want to see you again. If you find the need to pursue other women, I will raise our child without your interference and you will remain far from Stirling.”
Julius’s relief was profound, another oddity to be set aside and considered when a clearer head prevailed. He was aware ofthe despicable nature of his proposal, but he could not reconcile his long-held goal of avoiding marriage with his desire to take care of Audrey.
Perhaps it would become clearer over time. He hoped so. This was a temporary reprieve at best because the entire situation was causing him acute discomfort. The one thing he was certain of was that Audrey must be protected … and she must remain close to hand.
“What do I do about … this?” She gestured to the letter as if it were a snake poised to sink its fangs into her.
“Brendan has asked the duke to organize a special license. We should be married before the week is out, at which time I will ensure that announcements are made in the news sheets. As for Lady Astley … ignore her. We remain here with the guards while the matter with Scott is determined, and then we leave for Stirling. I shall visit your vicar to address his concerns.”
“As you wish,” she replied, but Julius found he did not like their current terseness. He wished he had spoken with her before leaving Aunty Gertrude’s. Audrey was unhappy, it was plain to see, and he hated he could not offer her something more. She deserved to have a husband at her side, but the idea of settling down and over time turning into his father left him cold.
Perhaps when they were wed, he could find a better resolution to all this, but each time he tried to solve it, his emotions grew tumultuous and murky.
It did not help that he had been stabbed, lost his wits to a fever, and had yet a murder to finish solving.
Julius almost wished that Lord Snarling would return, so he might argue with his father over the specifics. That was sure to rouse him from his muddled thoughts and settle his mind on how he wished to continue with Audrey. Quarreling with his father about appropriate behavior had always been somethingof a palate cleanser that had helped clarify his position on the argument at hand.
Failing that, he would have discussed the problem with his excellent new chum, who had been assisting him. Audrey was a remarkably fine partner to have along—more in tune with him than any of his male friends had ever been. It was the first time he had spent such a considerable time with one person without the desire to brain them. Nay, he wished to do altogether other things with his sweet Audrey.
Unfortunately, his current problemwasthe selfsame chum. Bedding her had been a terrible idea, muddying his thoughts in the worst way. If he had been uncertain of what he wanted to do about Audrey, it was far more perplexing since sharing a passionate night with her in the sheets. How was he to seek perspective when he kept recalling how warm and soft she had been beneath him, or how her moans of desire had thrilled him to hitherto unknown heights of sensual pleasure?
The lines between obligation for his part in her ruin, and genuine regard for her as a person, were blurred into an amorphous muddle.
Nevertheless, Julius reflected, it was a heady relief that she had agreed to their wedding. What he was certain of was that Audrey must not disappear. Or cross the Channel to France. He was very much afraid if she did, he would be forced to follow her, and the thought of standing on deck as it swayed back and forth made bile rise in his throat. Returning from his Grand Tour had been a terrible ordeal, and he had no plans to leave their little island again. Which was why Audrey must stay.
CHAPTER 16
“The mind of a human being is formed only of comparisons made in order to examine analogies, and therefore cannot precede the existence of memory.”
Giacomo Casanova
Audrey battled mixed emotions, watching from the drawing room window. Julius was to be driven off in Lord Filminster’s carriage to visit the vicar Stone, along with two of the Johns disguised as footmen.
She had been awaiting his departure for some time, pacing alone in the room that faced the street below while she tried to sort through her feelings.
On the one hand, it was an immense relief that she did not need to flee the country under a cloud of controversy. Journeying alone to foreign lands was not enticing.
She was a little flattered Julius had sufficient appreciation for her to give up any aspect of his freedoms to offer her marriage. It had been unexpected, to say the least.
Acknowledging these truths did not change the fact that she was seething with unspoken resentments. Audrey had no desire for the type of marriage Julius had proposed. The offer of a babe was appreciated, but the rest!
Nay! It will not do at all!
If they were to be married, she wanted it to be a genuine partnership. The kind of partnership she had envisioned he would one day share with a wife by his side. She wanted to accompany him on his adventures, visit hitherto unplanned places, and build a family of wayward souls like that of her future husband.
She would not be discarded to rusticate in Stirling while her husband decided whether he could forgo other women!
