Page 64 of The Hidden Lord
Gabriel turned back to face her, and Henri was struck by the careful mask that had fallen over his features. The passionate man who had rescued her in the garden was gone, replaced once again by the controlled diplomat who revealed nothing of his inner thoughts.
“Yes,” Gabriel said after a moment. “I will lock Alaric in the pantry and ask our coachman to return to town and bring back the proper authorities. Mr. Devayne will have much to answer for.”
Once Mr. Devayne had been stowed in the windowless pantry, Gabriel moved toward the kitchen door, then paused and looked back at Henri. “Will you be all right here to stand guard for a few minutes? I need to give instructions to our coachman.”
Henri nodded, though she felt a stab of disappointment at Gabriel’s return to formal politeness. For a brief moment in the garden, she had glimpsed the man beneath. Now, faced with the revelation about this Horace Pelham’s death, Gabriel was retreating behind his shields once again.
When he returned to the kitchen, he settled across from Henri. The silence between them stretched uncomfortably as her husband seemed to wrestle with thoughts he probably had no intention of sharing.
“Gabriel,” Henri said finally, unable to bear the distance that had opened between them again. “Who was Horace Pelham to you?”
Gabriel’s jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, but he did not answer immediately. Henri watched him struggle with the decision of whether to trust her with whatever painful truth lay behind his reaction to the old scholar’s name.
“He was …” Gabriel began, then stopped, his habitual caution reasserting itself.
Henri felt her heart sink. Here they were again, with her on the verge of learning something meaningful only to watch him retreat into silence. She had hoped that her kidnapping, his dramatic rescue, might finally have broken through the walls he kept between them. But apparently, even the threat of losing her was not enough to overcome a lifetime of emotional barriers.
Perhaps I was wrong to think he could change,Henri thought with familiar disappointment.Perhaps some people are simply incapable of the kind of openness that real marriage requires.
But then Gabriel looked up and met her eyes directly, and Henri saw something in his gaze that made her breath catch. Gone was the careful neutrality he usually maintained, replaced by a rawness that spoke to depths of feeling she had only glimpsed before.
“Henri,” Gabriel said with a different quality than she had ever heard. “I need to tell you something, and I need you to understand that this is … it is difficult for me.”
Henri nodded encouragingly, not daring to speak for fear of breaking whatever spell had prompted this moment of potential revelation.
“I am a private man,” Gabriel continued, his words coming slowly as though each one required considerable effort. “I always have been. It has served me well in my career, allowed me to navigate dangerous situations without revealing information that could be used against me or against England.”
He swallowed audibly, wetting his lips while she waited to hear what he needed to say.
“It is difficult …”
Gabriel’s voice was raw, deep, and laced with reluctance, and he was clearly struggling with the words. Henri’s breath froze in her lungs as she realized that she was about to hear from the inner man, the one who never spoke. This was not Gabriel’s polished manners and practiced words. This was him attempting to talk from the hidden core he never revealed.
“To hope …”
He stopped again, and she wanted to coax him, but she was deathly afraid that if she interrupted him, she would never encounter another opportunity to learn what he was trulythinking. She did not dare move, did not breathe as she waited, not even daring to clench her fists in impatience. She held back every impulse as she strained to hear what he wished to say.
“That anyone like you … could …”
Henri steeled herself to keep her mouth shut. She fought against every character flaw she had ever possessed to remain silent.
Let him finish his thought.
Might she finally understand the complex puzzle that was her husband? Finally understand the man who hid in the shadows?
Gabriel exhaled heavily before speaking in a sudden rush as if a veritable dam were bursting.
“Love me in return.”
And her heart shattered into a thousand shards as she finally comprehended the pain he disguised behind contrived charm and kind eyes. Something had broken her husband, had destroyed his self-confidence, but he was allowing her to see the wounded soul he was. Henri was awed by the trust he was placing in her, revealing his very heart, while daunted by the enormous responsibility of providing peace and support to a man who shouldered as much as he.
Until that moment she had not comprehended the full breadth of what it meant to be a partner, to be someone who helped lift the burden of another when it grew too heavy, but in that instant, she realized how much he needed her. Needed them. And it was as if she had been touched by grace itself to be offered such a vital role.
This was what marriage was about. This was what her twin had found with her husband. A true meeting of the minds. Of hearts. Solace from the troubles of life. Possibility of happiness, even in the face of danger.
Henri released a sob and rushed into his arms as he rose to receive her. “I do. I do love you, Gabriel! You are worthy and strong and so … so … so easy to love!”
Gabriel’s arms came around her with desperate strength, and Henri felt him trembling against her as years of barricaded emotions finally found release. She had seen Gabriel calm under pressure, charming in social situations, passionate in their intimate moments, but she had never seen him simply human, simply vulnerable, simply a man who needed to be loved despite his flaws.
