Page 108 of Beautifully Messy
Before I can respond or ask any of the million questions I have, Anna jumps in. She begins chattering about snowmen and sledding and whether Santa knows she’s here. James responds to each thought seriously, as if her concerns about reindeer navigation systems are the most important thing in the world.
“I’ll make some coffee,” he offers as we reach the doorway. “Can we talk?”
I meet his eyes and see the nerves behind his cool exterior. “Okay. I’ll be down in a bit.”
***
Annahaslongsincecrashed for a nap, her tiny body curled beside me in peaceful stillness. I lie there, watching the snow fall faster than when we arrived, thick flakes swirling in the gray afternoon light.
The room has been redecorated since I was here a year ago. Cascading eucalyptus wallpaper in the lightest shade of green lines the walls. Replacing the large sleigh bed is a new sleek platform with a tufted headboard the same color as the walls. It's been moved, now placed to more easily gaze out the windows flanking the corner. A toddler bed sits opposite filled with colorful blankets and pillows.
I’m gathering my courage for the conversation waiting downstairs.
Vera’s given me glimpses of his year, broad strokes and careful words. All I know is that he ended things with Ivy, and he’s been focused on work. I calm my mutinous stomach, and I find him in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, his fingers drumming against the granite. His eyes meet mine, but instead of his lopsided grin, I’m met with hard lines.
He pushes off from the counter and reaches for the coffee pot. “She’s asleep?” he asks, offering me a mug.
“She was exhausted from the early flight.”
We stand in awkward silence, a year’s worth of distance pressing against us.
“Ivy and I aren’t together,” he finally says, setting his mug down. “I thought my mom or Jules would’ve told you.”
“They did. But I’m confused. Why are you here?”
“Gary called me a few days ago. They were having a hot tub put in, and something happened. They were in Florida and needed someone they trusted to check out if the foundation was damaged. Couldn’t find anyone local who could do it. Called me in a panic.”
“Oh.” I pause. Not sure I want to ask my next question, but I gulp down my fears and ask anyway. “Did you know I was coming when Gary called you?”
“Mom’s told me bits and pieces about what’s going on with Mason and you. She said you were coming here for one last Christmas.”
“Yes. That’s why I’m here. To tell the family, Mason and I are over.”
“Right.” His voice is carefully neutral again. “And I suppose you’ll head back to D.C. after.”
I nod, uncertain where this is going.
“So this is... closure for you? Tying up loose ends?” The edge in his voice sharpens. “Because it’s been a year, Sydney. With no word from you. Not even a text.”
“I was doing exactly what I said I needed to do.”
“And did you?”
“I think we should talk after I’ve had a chance to collect my thoughts.” I set my mug down, feeling my throat constrict, nails biting into my palms.
“Sure.” Disappointment flashes in his eyes. “Take your time. It’s not like we haven’t had plenty of that already.”
“That’s not fair.”
“None of this has been fair.” He runs a hand through his hair and looks out toward the mountains, pausing before pinning me in place with a flash of eyes darkened by pain. “You asked for time, I gave it to you. But I didn’t think that meant complete silence.”
I walk away to gather myself. But I stop before I reach the doorway. This is what I would do before. Run. Escape. Deflect. That’s not who I am anymore.
When I turn back around, his eyes lock onto mine. I step forward until I’m inches in front of him and reach up to run my fingers along his tense jaw.
“I’m sorry. I don’t need a minute to collect myself. I’m just… nervous.”
His body softens hearing those words. I feel the tension drain from him as he finally breathes, releasing air he'd been holding. His hands span my waist as he sets me on the countertop and steps between my dangling legs.
