Page 57 of Steel
“Neha,” Kerrion called.
I slowly turned to face him.
“Be good.”
He walked off, and I stared after him for a moment before turning to leave. When my eyes landed on Nayelli, she was grinning. I rolled my eyes as I gently pushed her out the door.
“Come on here, girl.”
Twenty minutes later, we were walking into the house.
Dinah had her music going and the house smelling good. She came around the corner in her apron with a smile on her face as she made her way over to hug us both.
“Hey, my loves!” She turned to Nayelli. “You had a good day, pud?”
“I had the best day. I made some friends, and Auntie Dinah, guess what?”
“What?”
“Mom let me go back to class!”
“I know! You learn some new moves today?”
“I did. I’ll show you later.”
“Okay, baby. Go on upstairs and get started on that homework. Dinner will be ready soon.”
Nayelli started for the stairs but turned back and came to hug me.
“Thank you, Mom.”
I smiled as I returned the hug. “You’re welcome.”
She pulled away and ran upstairs. Dinah shook her head.
“I see y’all aren’t beefing anymore. These kids will stress you the fuck out.”
“Tell me about it.” I followed her into the kitchen and took a seat at the island. “Your niece got beside herself today.”
“How?”
“She asked me about Kerrion . . . if I loved him. When I told her I did at one point, she told me people who love each other like her granny and grandpa should be together. She proceeded to tell me that we could get back together and be a real family.”
Dinah almost choked on her wine.
“That’s not funny, Dinah!” I exclaimed.
“It is, because why is a ten-year-old telling you to shoot your shot? You ever thought about it over the years? Like what would have changed if you spoke up?”
I shrugged, rimming the glass with my finger. “Sometimes. I was so in love with him, Dinah. Up until that incident, I was sure that was the man I was going to marry. I saw my entire life with that man.”
“What about now? Do you think there’s any chance y’all could work this out? You heard my niece. She wants a real family.”
“I seriously doubt that. That man hates my guts right now. Even if he didn’t, I don’t know if I trust myself with him.”
“Do you—you still have feelings for him, don’t you?”
I was quiet, contemplating my answer. Love wasn’t a feeling that went away just because you wanted it to. I’d buried my feelings for this man the moment I left campus, but they never went away. There were so many times I regretted my decision. So many what ifs and maybes ran through my mind. If I’d just told him about my childhood and my aversion to violence, maybe he would have handled things differently.
