Page 30 of The Phyre that Burns
I did exactly what my friend recommended, and when I returned to my phone, she didn’t rush me to speak. I appreciated her patience because every time I thought I was ready to talk, my eyes became teary.
“That was a lot,” I finally said.
“It was, and it may take time to process your feelings.”
“I don’t think so. I know how I feel.”
“Do you feel like sharing? No pressure, sis.”
“He chose me, but I didn’t give him a chance to explain. If I had just listened, things would be so different.”
“It was a horrible misunderstanding. Anyone would’ve reacted the way you did. Don’t start blaming yourself.”
“But it’s my?—”
“No, Nae. Don’t say it. Shit happens for reasons we’ll never understand. Blaming yourself won’t change anything about this situation.”
“I know, but?—”
“What you’re not about to do is have a pity party over decisions you made as a twenty-three-year-old. You now have the information you need to make an informed decision, and based on that letter, Phyre is still madly in love with you.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“It ain’t about what I think. What’s your heart telling you?”
“To reach out to him.”
“Follow your heart.”
“What if my pussy is talking too?”
She fell out laughing before responding. “What’s she saying?”
“I don’t think you wanna know, sis, but just know, if he comes here, it’s above me.”
“Listen, you’re talking to a woman whose husband was once her ex’s best friend. I am not one to judge. Let that pussy talk.”
“Good. I don’t want you to be surprised tomorrow when I tell you I got my back blown out. It’s been hell fighting my attraction to him this week.”
“Oh, you ain’t playing, and I don’t want to hold you up any longer. I’m here if you need me, but I have one question.”
“What is it?”
“Do you still love him?”
My response was immediate. “I never stopped.”
“Enough said, and I’m glad you’re not in denial. We only live once. If he’s your person, don’t waste any more time being mad.”
“Thank you for sitting through that with me and just being here for me in general. This week has been more than I was ready for.”
“Always, sis. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Our FaceTime call ended, and I was met with background noise from the television, which I’d forgotten was on. I used the remote to mute it and sat with my thoughts for a few minutes. I was ready to have a civil conversation with Phyre, and I was as nervous as I was excited.
He was the only man I’d ever loved, and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to love again. I simply didn’t think I was capable of putting my heart out there to try love again. The risk was too great, and I couldn’t bear to have my heart broken, not even one more time.
