Page 81 of Imperfections Forbidden
“Come on, Cat, what is it?You can tell me.I promise you won’t hurt my feelings.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“Are you really giving me this line?I tell you to be honest with me and you’re giving me a cheesy blow off cliché?”
“No!You didn’t let me finish.”
“I hope you finish better than how you started.”
I put my head down on his shoulder and laugh, and he laughs with me.“Okay, let me start over.”
“Yes, please.”
I play with his fingers and brush my thumb across the back of his hand.“I can’t be more than your friend.I can’t give you what you want until I can get him out of my mind and heart.And I don’t have a clue when that will happen.I wish I did.”
“I know.I wish I could be the man to make you forget all about him.To make you smile.Why did you have to fall for him?”
“I don’t know.It’s always been him.I had no control over it.”
“Damn golden boy.He doesn’t know how lucky he is.You deserve better.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.You deserve a man who will put your needs first.One who can see how special you are.A man who will put a smile on your pretty face, not misery and doubt in your heart.That’s what you deserve, to be loved right.I would like to be that man for you.”
“So would I.”
“But like you said, that space in your heart is already taken.”
Sad but true.He sinks down on my bed.I sink down beside him, and I put my head on his chest.He puts his arm around me.I listen to the sounds of a new year in Manhattan, breathing silently in the dark room, and drift to sleep.
Nick
What the hell is hedoing here?I cross the street and come face to face with Matt.
“Look who’s here.Is Cat expecting you?I don’t remember her telling me you were invited to the party.”
I can’t stand this guy.I can’t believe we were ever friends.“Move.”
“Don’t get all worked up, Nick, I’m leaving.I got things to do.Go home, take a shower, wash my ass.You know how it is when you spend the night with a special lady.We were up all night.I didn’t want to wake her; she needs the rest.”
I want to wrap my hand around his neck and rip his motherfucking throat out.
“If I were you, I’d take it easy, Nick, you don’t look too good.You look like you’re about to explode.I can swing back upstairs and get you something.”
I step up to him, my fists clenched, inches away from him, ready to knock his head off.“I’m only going to say this once—stay the hell away from her.I don’t want her getting hurt; you know what I’m talking about.”
“Are you serious?How about you stay the hell away from her?You’re the one hurting her.You fucked up her relationship with her family, now she’s hurting and alone.If I can make her feel better, I’m not going anywhere.”
“She doesn’t need you.She doesn’t want you.You’re the substitute.You will always be second choice, just like high school.She loves me, and she’s going to be with me.You can’t cut it.”
Watching me with his hand curled into fists, he steps closer, almost touching me.“You don’t deserve her, you knew what the stakes were and you broke her heart all the same.I hope she never takes your sorry ass back.But chances are she will.A guy like you is like a drug to girls like Cat.They can’t help themselves; you’re a bad habit they can’t kick without help.They have to keep going back for more until they’re tired, drained, and broken down.If she ever breaks her addiction, I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”
He brushes past me with his shoulder and walks down the street.I go upstairs angry enough to slam my fist through the wall.In the back of my mind, I know what he said was true.But I can’t let her go; she is as much of an addiction to me as I am to her.I hope neither one of us ever recovers.The best damn high I ever had was with her.
I knock on the door.I hear Cat’s voice come through right before she opens it and sees me.
“I knew you couldn’t stay away from my bed.I wasn’t expecting you to be back so soon.At least give me a chance to take a shower.”Her voice falters and the smile on her face changes to surprise when she sees it’s me instead of Matt returning for a repeat performance of whatever they were doing in her bed.
