Page 46 of Imperfections Forbidden
“Yes, it is.”
“This is Quantum Lab calling with the results of your paternity test.”
This is it, the moment of truth.I take a deep breath and sit back in my chair.I can’t remember a time I was this nervous, my mouth’s drying up and it’s like I’m breathing through a straw.
“Hello?Mr.Alexander, are you still there?”
I blow a puff of air out to calm my nerves.“Shit.”
“Excuse me?”she says, her voice rising.
“I’m sorry, you said you were calling with the test results?”
“Yes.”
“I’m ready, what are the results of the test?”
“The test results are conclusive, 99.99 percent positive you are the father.”
This shouldn’t be a surprise to me.I had an idea of what the results were going to be, but it doesn’t make it any easier to hear.I shake my head, get out of my chair, and walk over to the window.
“Which means there is less than a one in ten thousand chance of me not being the biological father?”I already know the answer to this.I say it more to myself than the woman on the phone.
“Yes, that is correct.”
“Thank you.”
I look out the window, my shoulder leaning against the glass.I watch people I don’t know going about their lives.Some happy, some not so happy, some oblivious to what’s going on around them.Too consumed with the problems of their own lives and not considering the greater problems the person next to them might have.I can see little kids clinging to their parents’ hands for security and comfort.
I’m going to have a child looking to me for those things.I’m going to try my best to give him these things and more.I have to learn to not let my problems consume me.I’m going to have another living person, a part of me, entirely dependent on me for his wellbeing.I’m going to be a parent…and not with the woman I love.
I blankly stare out the window, thinking about everything then absolutely nothing but her.I can’t tell her now.I make up my mind I’m going to tell her tonight when I call her.I know I should tell her face to face, but I’m a coward; for the first time in my life, I feel like a coward, because I don’t want to see the look on her face and in her eyes when I tell her.
Kate callsme later in the day.I reluctantly answer the call.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Nick, did the lab call you with the results?”
“Yes, they did.”I rub the bridge of my nose between my fingers.
“Now you know for sure you’re the father.We’re going to be parents to this little boy growing inside of me, together.”
“We’re going to be parents, but we are not together,” I correct.
“Don’t you think we owe it to our baby to at least try to be together for him?”
Before it starts, I’m going to put an end to any thought she has of there being an “us.”
“I’m going to love this child as much as any parent can love a child.The only thing I owe my child beyond that is to have him grow up in the lifestyle in which I live, and he will.There will never be a you and me.Our son will know this; there will be no misunderstanding about us ever being together.”
“Do you think Cat is going to be with you now that it’s proven you are the father of my baby?”
“You don’t need to worry about that.What Cat and I do is none of your business.What we do does not concern you.The only thing you should be concerned about is my kid.”
I can hear the optimism in her voice fading into annoyance.
“If you and Cat are thinking about being in some kind of relationship, it’s going to affect me and your child.How disgustingly nasty would that be if you have a kid with her?”
