Page 48 of Imperfections Forbidden
Silence.Pure silence.I listen to her breathe through the phone waiting for her to say something, anything.
“Cat?”
“I knew there was a good chance you were the father.I thought I was prepared to hear that, but I’m not.”
“Cat—”
“Congratulations.You’re going to be a dad.I have some more news for you too.”Her voice is breaking, and she’s trying to control it, the hurt I put there.
“You will be glad to know you will not be a daddy twice in one year.I’mnotpregnant.”She laughs awkwardly.
I should be relieved at this news, I’m not.
“It would be really difficult explaining to my family how I’m pregnant at the same time, by the same man as my sister.If Monday was any indication of what to expect, I dodged a big bullet.I am so glad I’m not.”
She sounds about as happy as I am.“Are you?”
She screams through the phone a muffled, “No!I thought I would be.I should be.”
“Cat—”
“But it’s obviously a sign.No, I think we should keep things the way they are now.”
“What does that mean?”
“You need to be there for Kate and your child—”
“I need to be there for you.I love you.”
“This is a time when love is not enough; it doesn’t make it hurt any less.Every time I see you with her it’s going to hurt even more.I’m not going to fool myself into thinking otherwise.I need to stop this before it gets worse.”
“Cat, I need you in my life.We don’t have to be completely out of each other’s lives.Are you going to avoid the baby because you might see me?”
“I don’t know!Right now I can’t deal with this.I need to take care of me.I don’t exactly have the ability to lean on my family in my hour of need.”
“You need time, and I’m going to give you time.But that does not mean it’s over between us.I love you, and I am not giving up on us,” I say, my voice rising with each word.She’s crying, and I want to hold her more than anything in this world, to make sure she knows I will always be here waiting for her.I will be her rock, her shoulder to lean on, no matter how hard she pushes me away.“I am not going to let you give up on us so easily.Do you hear me?”
“Bye, Nick.”And the she’s gone.
I spin around and hurl the bottle against the wall, tiny shards of glass exploding on impact and beer spraying the wall.I slump down into the couch and scrub my hands over my face.The one thing I want most in this world is slipping away from me, out of my reach.
Cat
Icried that night, thewhole night through.Now I’m only crying on the inside.Sade has become my best friend.She wakes me up in the morning, she walks with me to the train when I’m going to work, and she puts me to sleep—sad but true.The first couple of days were the hardest.I cried myself to sleep every night.I hardly ate, my hair was a mess, and my eyes were bloodshot from all the tears I cried.Basically, I would wake up in the morning looking like a crackhead.
I wasn’t alone, though—Ava was right there with me.She would come into my room at night and sleep with me.She didn’t mention Nick’s name to me, not once.She went over to my parents’ house and got some of my things the day after Nick called to tell me he was officially going to be a daddy to my new nephew.I found out I was going to have a nephew via text message from my dear sister, who couldn’t wait to share the good news with me.Nick’s having a son.I told Ava to make a U-turn if she saw her when she went to get my things from Sophie.
Ava and Kate are oil and water, and I don’t want things to escalate to the point my whole family finds out everything.I can’t deal with that.They don’t have to find out now that I’ve decided not to let things go any further between me and Nick.What the hell was I thinking anyway?Like we could be a happy couple with him being the father of Kate’s baby.Kate wouldn’t accept that; she would make our lives miserable.I had a glimmer of hope before we had that blow-out fight, but after she said what she had to say to me, forget about it.How could I have missed how she really felt about me all these years?
My phone is ringing.I take it out of my coat pocket, it’s Matt.I haven’t spoken to him since the weekend he called me at Nick’s place.He probably thinks I’m avoiding him.
“Hi, Matt.”
“You’re still alive.”
“Yes, I’m still alive.Before you say anything that might offend me, I am not avoiding you.”
“You’re not?That’s funny, because I thought the definition of avoiding someone was not returning their calls or their texts.You know, blowing me off.I don’t mind being blown off, but usually I’ve done something to deserve it.”
