Page 60 of Someone to Remember
Fuck it. I pick up my phone, find the contact info Iris sent to all of us after we first met him and start writing.
Hi, Luke, it’s Kinsley Davis from the Wild Widows. I’ve wanted to reach out to say hello as a fellow cancer widow. You’ve heard a lot of our stories, so as a refresher… My husband, Rory, had pancreatic cancer for all of forty-two days, and was thirty-eight when he died. Our kids, Christian and Maisy, are eight and six now, and are doing better after a rough few years. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and…
And what, Kinsley? What else do you want to say? Perhaps you should mention you think he’s hot and you haven’t thought that about anyone since Rory died. Or maybe that might be too much to mention in the first text…
I laugh at my own stupidity and stare at my phone screen for several minutes before I finish that sentence.
…you have friends who understand what you’re going through. Hope to see you at a meeting soon. Best, Kinsley
Before I can talk myself out of it, I send the text and then take a big sip from my wineglass. This feels way too much like high school redux, not that texting was as much of a thing then—thank God. It was bad enough without cell phones and social media. I can’t imagine the drama that must go on these days.
I nearly jump out of my skin when I see reply bubbles pop up on my screen. Oh my God, he’s writing back!
I’m practically hyperventilating by the time his response comes through.
Hey, Kinsley, thank you so much for reaching out. I so appreciate all the support I’ve received from the Wild Widows.
It occurs to me then that some of the other single women from the group, who are also my closest friends in the “after,” might’ve gotten to him before me. That thought is as deflating as a pin stuck in a balloon. They saw what I saw, and naturally, they’d be interested. Who wouldn’t be?
PC is the worst of the worst, and I’m so sorry you and your family lost Rory to it. I’m glad to hear your kids are doing better a few years out. Mine are a day-to-day situation. Some days are better than others. My older two have suffered tremendous grief since Bella died, while the younger two barely remember her. I’m not sure which is more heartbreaking, to be honest.
We’re getting through it, thanks to tons of support from family and friends, as well as an amazing nanny who makes it possible for me to work without worrying about what’s going on at home. That said, I’m always worried about what’s going on at home and hoping I’m doing the right things by my kids. I’m sure you can relate.
Anyway, I’ve gone on long enough here. I really appreciate the friendship and support from you guys. It’s made a big difference to know I’m not alone. I really want to get to the meetings more often and I hope to see you Wednesday. Fingers crossed for no work or life disasters!
I read and reread his messages until I feel like I could recite them from memory. He hopes to see me on Wednesday. Or does he hope to see all of us? It occurs to me that he’s met so many of us, he probably has no idea which one of us is Kinsley.
That makes me laugh at my own stupidity. He has no idea who I am, and I’ve thought of him every single day since I met him more than a year ago. Being a widow has made me weird inmore ways than I can count on one hand. Acting like a foolish teenager in the throes of a crush is just the latest entry on that long list.
“Time to call it a night, Kinsley.” Did I mention I also talk to myself all the time? Yeah, weirder and weirder by the day. That’s me.
I go around to check that the doors are locked, which I did earlier, but you can never be too cautious when you’re home alone with two kids. Upstairs, I look in on my sleeping angels. They’ve saved me in every way a person can be saved, giving me a reason to go on when I wanted to die, too.
After I get in bed, I read through the text exchange with Luke again, wondering if he’s waiting for me to reply to his last message.
Shit, is he watching the screen for bubbles like I was before? Or did he send that message and promptly forget all about me?
“Oh my God, Kinsley, I hate your guts right now. You’re such a simpering fool.”
That may be true, but if only I could forget the impact of meeting him for the first time and realizing I feltsomethingfor a man for the first time since I lost my husband. It was so overwhelming that I didn’t even tell my widow friends about it, mostly out of fear that the single ones felt the same way I did.
After all, he spent most of that first gathering talking to Angela, the other new member who joined us that night. Maybe they’ve been seeing each other ever since and I’m a total idiot for thinking someone hasn’t snapped him up. Who wouldn’t want a sexy young doctor with a broken heart and four precious babies who need a new mommy to love them? He might very well be the most eligible bachelor in Northern Virginia.
Disgusted with myself and everyone else, too, I put my phone on the charger without replying to him and shut off the light. The morning will be here long before I’m ready to face another day of more of the same.
Fourteen
Christy
I’m in bed before Trey, who’s basically living with us. My children love him as much as I do and are enjoying having a father figure again, even if they’ll never stop missing their dad or reliving the day we lost him. That memory lives rent-free in all our minds as much as we’d like to forget the horror of him dropping dead right in front of us.
Will’s death has brought those memories to the surface as I try to put myself in Taylor’s place, wondering how in the hell she’ll see her kids through yet another tremendous loss. It’s simply unimaginable, and all day, I’ve been forced to wonder whether I’m doing the right thing for my kids by letting them fall in love with Trey. What if we lose him, too? How would we ever survive such a thing after what we’ve already been through?
I’m in an anxiety-fueled spin. I know it, but I can’t seem to make it stop.
I’ve been so, so happy since I decided to go all in with Trey. The kids have been, too. He’s gone above and beyond to connect with them without trying to force them to accept him. The four of us are slowly becoming a family, which has broughtjoy back into our home. Not that we need a man to make us whole. We don’t. If it was just the three of us forever, we would’ve been fine, and we’d have found plenty of joy on our own.
Trey brings new energy, new interests, new everything.
