Page 90 of Someone to Remember
I hug her tightly. “I love you more than anything, and I can’t bear to see you suffering.”
“I’m sorry I was mean to you.”
“You were hurting. I knew it.”
“But I was still mean, and you don’t deserve that.”
“Good thing I love you so much that I forgive you the minute it happens.”
“Please don’t ever leave me. I really wouldn’t survive it.”
“I’m not going anywhere except to Florida with you and our babies.”
Twenty-One
Taylor
On Saturday afternoon, I arrange some time alone with the kids in Eliza’s room. We have a houseful of family and friends, so I shut the door, hoping we won’t be disturbed.
My poor babies are looking at me with dread that I quickly put to rest so they won’t think something else has happened. I sit on the floor, my back to Eliza’s bed, and they sit on either side of me.
“I want to talk to you about Daddy’s wake and funeral.”
“What’s a wake?” Miles asks, his little brows knitted adorably.
“It’s when everyone comes to tell us they’re sorry that Daddy died and that they love us. And then the next day, we have the church service, where they’ll pray for him and us.”
They’re quiet as they process the information.
“I wanted to ask if you’d like to go or stay home. And before you answer, I want you to know that either answer is the right one. If you don’t feel comfortable going, you don’t have to.”
“What if we want to go?” Eliza asks.
I tuck a strand of her soft hair behind her ear. “Then you’re more than welcome to. Before you decide, I want to tell you more about the wake. At the front of the room, there’ll be a wooden box that’s called a casket. Daddy’s body is inside that box. Sometimes, they open the casket so people can say a final goodbye to the person. Other times, they keep it closed. I’ve asked for it to be closed, because I want to protect his privacy. So if you come to the wake, you wouldn’t have to see his body or anything like that.”
“Even if we wanted to?” Miles asks.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, buddy. It’s much better for you to remember him the way he was when he was alive and here with us, than to have the other picture in your mind.”
“Would you let us see him if we asked to?” Eliza says.
I think about that for a moment. “I’d probably say no, because I understand better than you do that sometimes, when you see something upsetting, it overtakes all the good memories. Does that make sense?”
They nod as they think about what I said.
“It’s better for you not to see him. I need you to trust me on that.”
“Okay,” Eliza says. “Will it be hard for you to go to the wake and funeral?”
“Oh yes, honey. It’s a very hard thing because everyone will be so nice and so kind, and all I’ll want is to be home with you guys and Daddy, not at the funeral home or the church.”
“We should be there with you.” Eliza glances at her brother, who nods in agreement. “You shouldn’t do that alone.”
“I won’t be alone, honey. Gram and Pop will be there, and so will Auntie Laura, Auntie Amanda, Auntie Kate and Auntie Iris, as well as Grandma and Grandpa Lonergan and Daddy’s brothers and sisters. And I’ll have lots of friends there.”
“I want to go,” Miles says. “I want to be with you. The three of us are a team, and a team does things together.”
“Even the sad things,” Eliza adds.
