Page 55 of Someone to Remember
“Yeah, and her kids, and the rest of our widows, who’ll take this harder than most of the people in Taylor’s life, even the ones who barely know her. Many of them are courageously creating new lives for themselves and their children with new partners. This’ll be a reminder that none of us is safe from disaster striking again.”
“Does that include you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you courageously creating a new life for yourself with a new partner and fearing disaster striking again?”
Realizing what he’s asking me, I give him the side-eye. We’ve been seeing each other for more than a year. He’s the first guy I’ve slept with since Craig died. I’m enjoying him, but I’m not ready to put labels on it.
“That’s a really long pause after a question.”
“I was trying to think of the nicest way to say I’m not sure yet what I’m doing here, and I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.”
He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. “It’s okay. I’m not in any rush to call it something. I want you to know how much I enjoy being with you.”
“Same.”
“Okay, then. We’ll continue doing what we’re doing. But can I ask you for one thing?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t let this awful, terrible, tragic thing that’s happened to your widow friend lead you to think it’d be easier to be alone than to take another chance with your heart.”
I place my hand on his muscular chest. He works out every day and has the body to prove it. I’ve never been with a guy who has an actual six-pack, only his is more like a twelve-pack.
“It’d be a crying shame to mess up a great thing over something that happened to other people,” he adds.
“I know.”
“So let’s not do that, okay?”
“I’ll try very hard not to.”
“I understand how something like this must bring it all back…”
“It does.”
“Will you talk to me about it? I can’t possibly know what you’ve been through or what news like this does to you unless you tell me. Will you do that?”
“I can try.”
“Only if you want to. I’m here for you, Joy. Not just for the fun stuff, but for the hard stuff, too. We’ve been all about the fun, which has been great, but we’ve both been around long enough to know there’s more to life than fun and games.”
“Yes, there is, but the fun and games have been just what I needed, so thank you for that.”
“Is that all we’re going to be? Fun and games?”
“I… I’m still trying to figure out what I’m capable of in the ‘after,’ as we refer to this widow life. I don’t know if I can go all in again, or if this is all I can do.”
He moves closer to me and caresses my face. “I think you, beautiful Joy, are capable of a tremendous amount of love forthe people in your life. I think they’re incredibly lucky to be loved by you, that anyone would be. I would be.”
Damn him and his sweetness, which has me blinking back tears.
“I don’t want to push for more than you can handle. I know this much has been a big deal, but I’m falling hard for you. I thought you ought to know that.”
I rest my forehead against his, ridiculously moved and terrified of the big feelings I’ve had for him for a while now. I was getting closer to doing something about those big feelings when I got the news about Will. Since then, I’ve been in a spiral that I can’t seem to pull myself out of, no matter how hard I try.
“Talk to me, Joyful. Tell me what’s going on.”
