Page 39 of Cuddles for the Bear
If I did, I’m sorry. I’ve not had a mind link with anyone before either.
Wren nodded and then looked down. Devon could sense he was trying to get his thoughts in order, although he couldn’t read what those thoughts were. “You really disappointed me,” Wren said at last. “I’m not going to rehash everything all over again. Python explained you were being protective, and that was normal shifter behavior. But when I was having breakfast this morning, all I could think of was how you told me in those first few days we met that you would never hide anything from me. And then you did.”
Yes, I did.Devon wasn’t sure what else he was meant to say. It wasn’t like he had a time machine and could go back and change what had happened. He wanted to emphasize, for what was probably the gazillionth time, that he was just trying to protect Wren, but he didn’t think that was what Wren wanted to hear.
“I’m not sure how I can get past this. I know I want to. What’s done is done. Nothing we say or do can change what’s already happened.” Wren leaned forward, hugging his knees. Devon shifted a little closer, so their bodies were still connected. He needed that connection more than his next breath. “You can’t do this to me again. You have to promise and really mean it.”
I won’t do it again. I absolutely promise. Mates shouldn’t have secrets from each other – that’s how it’s supposed to go.The bear hung his head.I guess I have a lot to learn about being part of a mated pair, too.
“You?” Wren let go of his knees and scuttled around on his butt, so they were facing each other. The bear loomed over Wren, butWren didn’t seem to mind. “I thought you knew this stuff about being mates already.”
I know the theory, but any teacher would tell you that sometimes things don’t work out the same way they are taught in practice.Devon hesitated for a moment. No mate liked to hear about previous partners, but Wren deserved to hear his truth. He wasn’t sure if it would help, or even be relevant, but Devon hoped by opening up a bit about his past, his mate might see how much he still had to learn.
I’ve only been in a long-term relationship once before – decades ago, before you were born – back when I was working as an actual professor for a reputable university. The lady wasn’t my mate, but I cared for her deeply. We worked in the same department and were friends for a long time before more intimate feelings developed. She didn’t know about my bear, no one in my life did at that stage. I lived as a human.
Of course, I was always aware that my being a shifter was going to cause issues between us over time because she would age, and I would not. I kept telling myself I would tell her about my bear, that she would understand because I was certain she cared about me, too. I even thought we might have kids one day. But then…then… Gods, this is so hard.
“Bear, what happened?” Wren’s arms were around his neck again, hugging him tight. “Did something happen to her? Was she hurt? Did something happen where you couldn’t protect her?”
No.Devon could understand why Wren might think that. The bear shook his head, as if trying to shake away the memories.I lived as a human, but I still had to shift regularly – it wouldn’t be fair on my bear or me if I didn’t. Every two weeks, I wouldgo out to a forest about an hour’s drive away and camp out overnight, shifting when I knew no one was around.
My lady knew about this. I told her that the stress of being around the students all week would get too much, and I needed time in nature. She offered to come with me a few times in the beginning, but I would make excuses, telling her I needed to be alone.
“Phew, I don’t know about relationships either, but I can’t see your lady being happy about that, especially if she cared for you so much. She might think you were spending time with someone else.”
Remember, I only thought she cared about me. In the end, it turned out I didn’t need to tell her about my bear side. She found out. Unbeknownst to me, she had followed me one time, about four months into our relationship. She’d seen me change.
Wren gasped. “Oh, no. That must’ve been frightening for her. Was she upset? Did she leave you?”
In hindsight, I wish she had.The bear inhaled, taking in Wren’s scent.It turned out I wasn’t the only gentleman she was seeing. When she…after she saw me change, she…she went back to town and told her other gentleman friend about it. The next time I went camping, he and some of his friends tracked my bear through the forest and shot me. Numerous times. She was there as well. Words like abomination, devil’s spawn, and freak were used before she and her friends left me there to die.
“No, bear, no. How could anyone do that to you? Why would they do that? You never hurt anybody, and it’s not like you were shifting in your backyard. You even went camping, so you didn’t bother anyone in your lovely bear form.”
The bear snuffled Wren’s hair – he could feel how upset Wren was for him, though their bond. It was the best form of comforthe could offer in his larger size.I don’t know why people do the things they do. I only told you to show that I’m really not that good at relationships. The one time I tried it, I almost ended up dead. The only positive in that situation was that her friends were lousy shots, so they didn’t hit anything major. I healed as soon as I shifted.
Wren sniffed as he looked up, his hand reaching up, stroking the bear’s cheek. “That must’ve been so horrible for you. You must’ve been devastated. Did you go back to the university, or is that when you became an assassin?”
I didn’t dare teach anymore. I only went back home long enough to collect a few things. I had no idea how many other people she might’ve told, and while the Paranormal Council took care of her and her friends, there would always be too much of a risk going back to my old life. It was easier to fake my death, get new identification, and do something else. I was approached by an agency handler in a bar about a month after all that happened.
“Some people are just horrible.” Wren’s shoulders heaved as he let out a long huff. “But okay, I hate that happened to you, and I’m glad you told me. It seems we’ve both got to learn about relationships, mating, trusting each other, and being together. Is this where you tell me we need to trust our instincts because we’re shifters?”
Devon mentally chuckled. He’d said that a few times since meeting Wren.This is where I apologize for making decisions for you – no matter what my reasons were, that was unfair. This is also where I promise to try and be more open with you. We need to learn about each other as we learn to be mates together.
“I like that idea.” Wren ran his hand over Devon’s furry belly. “You must be starving. I bet you didn’t take time to eat today, with all that worrying about me. Did you want to shift back so you could order breakfast, or lunch, or brunch, or whatever?”
Right on cue, the bear’s belly grumbled.I would, but my bear’s a bit cautious about letting me out. He thinks I’ll put my foot in my mouth again.
“I don’t think you will.” Wren pointed his finger at the bear’s nose. “If you hide things from me again, then…then… Well, I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’m sure Pax or Flint could come up with some ideas.”
Things won’t get that bad, I promise.Devon still wasn’t sure how Storm ended up tied to a chair, but he didn’t want to find out.Are we all right?
Wren nodded. “I’m glad I had the chance to go out by myself. There was something freeing about doing that. But every minute I was away, I was missing you. I just needed to prove to myself I could do it.” Smiling, he added, “I didn’t realize going out for breakfast would cause a whole posse of assassins to pound the streets looking for me.”
Panic mode.The bear shrugged.I’ll try not to let it happen again.
“And I’ll try not to give you a reason to panic again. So…” Wren rocked on his butt. “You should shift, we should eat and then… You know what I said about instincts? My instincts have been telling me to strip off and roll around on your body the moment you shift back. Python fixed the bed. Do you think we should make sure it’s still sturdy before we check out?”
Devon didn’t think he’d ever shifted back so fast.
