Page 47 of Faking It Right
I leaned against the counter, staring at the floor. “This wasn’t supposed to be real.”
There was a beat of silence before Sawyer asked, “What do you mean?”
I looked up at her, suddenly desperate to confide in someone. “Me and Harley. It was supposed to be fake. A way to get Mom off my back about dating Maylin.”
The corner of her mouth ticked up. “Oh,” she said, the single syllable loaded with meaning. “And it’s not fake anymore?”
“We’ve been—I mean, we…”
“Sleeping together?” Sawyer prompted.
I winced. “Can you not say it like that?”
“Like what? It’s sex, Ryker. You had an orgasm with a man, not an exorcism. Although, watching you squirm like this, I’m not entirely convinced the ghost of your heterosexuality isn’t still haunting you.”
“It’s not—” I stopped myself, realizing what I’d been about to say. It’s not just sex. Which meant it was something more. Something that terrified me.
Sawyer’s expression softened. “Oh.”
“Don’t ‘oh’ me,” I muttered.
“Oopsie, it looks like someone caught real feelings for his fake boyfriend,” she said in a singsong voice.
It wasn’t a question, but I answered anyway. “Maybe? I’ve never felt this way about a guy before.”
“But you’ve felt this way about women?”
It was a fair question. “Not exactly. Not like this.”
Sawyer hopped down from the counter and approached me, putting her hands on my shoulders. “Ryker, listen to me. Labels don’t matter. What matters is how you feel when you’re with him.”
“But I’m straight,” I protested. Because straight guystotallyjerked off their male best friends and got mind-blowing blow jobs from them, right?Shit.
She gave me a look. “Are you, though? You seem pretty into Harley.”
I couldn’t argue with that. The memory of our encounters over the past few days flashed through my mind, making my pulse quicken.
“Nothing makes sense anymore,” I admitted. “What we are now? Friends? Boyfriends? Friends with benefits? It’s all happening so fast.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
I shook my head. “What would I even say? ‘Hey, I know I said this was fake, but now I get hard every time you look at me, and also, I might be falling for you.’ Yeah, that’d go over great.”
“Maybe not in those exact words, but yeah, something like that.”
“It’s not funny,” I grumbled.
“It’s a little funny.” She snorted in amusement before turning serious. “Look, Harley’s head over heels about you. The way he looks at you? The way he’s always looked at you? I know you have the emotional depth of a kiddie pool filled with vanilla pudding, but come on, Ryker. Even you must see it.”
My thoughts were a jumbled mess, like someone had taken all my certainties and tossed them in a blender. “I’ve never questioned my sexuality before. Ever. And now, I can’t stop thinking about being with Harley.”
Sawyer gave me space to work through my thoughts.
“I always assumed I was straight,” I continued, my voice dropping to almost a whisper. “But with Harley, everything’s different. It’s like I thought I was a circle my whole life, but it turns out I’m a dodecahedron with several unexplored sides.”
“That’s not uncommon, you know,” Sawyer said gently. “Sexuality isn’t always as fixed as people think.”
“It’s not only about the physical stuff. It’s…” I struggled to articulate the feeling. “When he smiles at me, my stomach does that thing where you miss the last step and face-plant hard. And when he’s not around, I keep wondering what he’s doing and if he’s thinking about me.”
