Page 113 of Faking It Right
“What can I say? I’m a man committed to perfecting my craft.” I winked at him. “But seriously, everyone has horror stories. The point is, you learn from them and get better.”
“I guess,” he admitted, his laughter subsiding. “But I still feel bad about the teeth thing.”
“You can take comfort in knowing you at least didn’t make me sneeze cum.”
That set him off again. It felt good to laugh with him and share something so intimate and ridiculous at the same time. His eyes crinkled at the corners as his cheeks flushed with mirth instead of embarrassment. It was a beautiful sight I’d gladly make a fool of myself to see.
“I love hearing you laugh,” I admitted, reaching out to brush a strand of dark hair from his forehead. “You’re so caught up in your head sometimes, worrying about doing everything perfectly. It’s nice to see you let go.”
“Congratulations on your sex disasters being an effective way of making me feel better about mine,” he said, still grinning. “Though I’m wondering if you’re making these up to spare my ego.”
I placed a hand over my heart in mock offense. “I would never! These are all genuine sexual catastrophes, I’ll have you know.”
“Oh, no,” Ryker said, settling more comfortably against me, his eyes bright with anticipation. “What else happened? There must be more.”
“Of course, there’s always more,” I assured him with a dramatic sigh. “Talon was vegan.”
“What does that have to do with blow jobs?”
“He refused to call it a blow job because he said it sounded too aggressive,” I explained, watching his face for a reaction. “Instead, he preferred to refer to it as ‘tickle my pickle.’”
Ryker snorted so hard I thought he might hurt himself. “He did not!”
“Hand to God,” I swore, raising my palm. “Every single time. ‘Hey, babe, want me to tickle your pickle?’ It was his idea of dirty talk.”
“That’s terrible,” Ryker said, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. “Please tell me there’s more.”
“Talon had a big lunch earlier, some kind of vegan Buddha bowl overflowing with quinoa, chickpeas, and a forest of raw broccoli,” I continued, watching Ryker’s expression shift from amusement to dawning horror. “He’s doing his best to swallow me whole, when suddenly he gags and throws up.”
“Stop,” he begged with a grimace, though he was still laughing. “That’s disgusting.”
“It gets worse,” I warned him. “He was so embarrassed that he tried to hide what happened by quickly sucking it all back in before I realized what was going on.”
Ryker retched, his whole body shaking with laughter as he covered his mouth. “That is the most revolting thing I’ve ever heard!”
“You know the little green sprouts on top of broccoli?” I asked, gesturing with my fingers to illustrate. “The ones that look like little green balls? I had a bunch of that caught up in my pubes. It was like he gave me vegan vegetable crabs.”
Tears streamed down his face as he alternated between gagging and peals of laughter. “That’s so gross!”
“Oh, I’m not done. After all that, he finished me like a champ. But then the real kicker is that without any warning, that asshole fed me my own cum like I was a baby bird.”
“What?” Ryker wheezed, looking both horrified and fascinated. “What do you mean?”
“He literally fed it to me through a kiss,” I explained, grimacing at the memory. “He thought it was hot, but I was completely horrified and coughed it out, right onto his face.”
Ryker was gasping for air now, clutching his stomach as he laughed harder than I’d ever seen him laugh before. “How does it keep getting worse? Every time I think you’ve hit rock bottom, you somehow find a new level of awful!”
I grinned, enjoying his reaction far too much. “Which hopefully illustrates my point that nobody starts as an expert. That’s why I’m turned on by you even trying.”
Ryker’s laughter subsided enough for him to glance down at my lap, where the evidence of my arousal was still very much present. “How can you be hard after that heinous story?”
“I’m enjoying being with you,” I corrected him. “The rest is details we’ll figure out together.”
His expression grew thoughtful as he caught his breath. “Is it inappropriate to ask why you and Talon broke up?”
“After all those horror stories?” I shook my head ruefully. “Not weird at all. Morbid curiosity is perfectly natural.”
“I’m guessing there’s more to the story.”
