Page 118 of Faking It Right
“The final frontier?” Harley repeated, his lips twitching.
“You know what I mean. Your monster cock is basically theUSS Enterprise, and my ass is the unexplored galaxy.”
He threw his head back and howled with laughter. “Did you compare your ass to outer space?”
“It’s vast and mysterious,” I deadpanned, which only made him laugh harder. “Look, I know I’m being weird about this, but I’m nervous, okay?”
“Do you want one of those weird Space Seltzers to take the edge off things?”
I shook my head. “No, but if the Pulsar Pineapple flavor taught me anything, it’s that some experiences defy description until you’re in the middle of them wondering what choices led you here. But I figure if I can survive Nebula Nectar tasting like bitter sunshine filtered through a wormhole, I can survive this.”
“Are you telling me those terrible hard seltzers gave you the courage to let me fuck you?”
“They’ve prepared me for sensations that shouldn’t exist in the physical world,” I said with mock solemnity. “Consider this my training montage. Besides, can you blame me? Your dick is intimidating. It’s big enough to have its own gravitational pull.”
“Keeping with the space theme, I see,” Harley said, wiping tears of amusement from his eyes.
“I’m just saying, I’ve seen what that thing can do. It belongs in some kind of dick museum.”
Harley’s shoulders shook with suppressed laughter. “A dick museum?”
“Yeah, you know, where they keep all the historically significant penises. Yours would be in the ‘Too Big to Be Believed’ exhibit. I bet they’d make dildos of you to sell in the gift shop. Every purchase comes with a complimentary bottle of industrial-strength lube, a stretching routine pamphlet, and an insurance waiver.”
“Stop,” he gasped between fits of laughter.
“The premium version would have a suction cup base, but they’d have to include a warning that attaching it to vertical surfaces might damage your wall: ‘Not recommended for apartment dwellers. All security deposits will be forfeit. Side effects may include an inability to sit comfortably, walking funny, spontaneous moaning, and ruining all future partners.’ Meanwhile, the limited-edition glass one would double as a weapon in case of home invasion.”
“Seriously, stop,” Harley begged, clutching his stomach. “I’m going to pass out from lack of air from laughing too hard.”
I could have kept joking for ages, but I restrained myself. “Sorry, this is how I cope with knowing I’m about to attempt to cram the eighth wonder of the world inside my ass.”
Harley sat up, his expression shifting to something more serious, despite the smile on his lips. “You’ve been thinking about this a lot, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, I have. I want to try. I mean, I’m scared your anaconda will eat me, but I need to know what it feels like so I can stop being afraid.”
Harley’s voice dropped to that low, gravelly tone that never failed to make my dick hard. We had made a rule he could only use it in the bedroom after an embarrassing incident at a restaurant where I’d refused to stand for twenty minutes when everyone was ready to leave, insisting I was “savoring the atmosphere” while our friends’ suspicions grew with my discomfort. “If you’re determined, then I guess we should.”
“Just go easy on me. Your dick is classified as a lethal weapon in at least twelve states.”
He snickered. “Only twelve?”
“The paperwork for the other thirty-eight is still being processed.”
He stood up, every move deliberate, from the way his shoulders flexed to an invisible magnetism that drew my gaze to him. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. “You’ll be fine. I’ll take good care of you.”
I swallowed hard, watching as he pulled his T-shirt over his head. “You’re staring.”
“Can you blame me?”
He pushed his gray sweatpants down, stepping out of them with a grace that seemed unfair. He wasn’t wearing underwear, revealing his cock, already half-hard and, yep, still intimidating as hell.
“How does it look bigger every time I see it?” I blurted out.
“Are you trying to talk yourself out of this?”
“No, I’m making an observation.” I licked my lips nervously. “For science.”
“For science,” he echoed with a snort. “Well, in the interest of scientific discovery, maybe we should see how it compares to yours.”
