Page 19 of His Reward
I turn the bottle in my hand and read the dosage.I’ve taken something similar while I served.If it’s like what I experienced, she’s much deeper in sleep than normal.
It’ll take some serious effort to wake her.I hated taking them for that reason.It made me feel too vulnerable.
A thought creeps out from the darkest corner of my mind, slow and careful, like it knows it shouldn’t exist.
She’s so deep in sleep, she’ll never know that I touched her.
She’ll never know if I did more than that...
The pills rattle as I quickly set down the bottle on the bedside drawer.I back away from June’s bed like I’m a demon repelled by a spell that wards off evil.That’s what I am for thinking something so fucked up.
Jesus fucking Christ!Get out of her room!
I’m almost at her bedroom door when I stop, my hands clenched at my sides.
She’ll never know.
The words loop in my brain, attacking my morals.Sickening rationalizations take root.Yesterday, I thought I could get rid of my wrong feelings for June by getting laid.Today, I convinced myself distance would work too.
What if the best solution is to give in to temptation?
Just a little bit.A little taste.Then I’ll be satisfied and my unhealthy obsession will be gone for good.And there’s no better time than now.She’s unaware and can’t reject me.No risk of ruining our relationship either.
She’ll never know.
Self-control is a muscle.Using it is exercise and that makes it stronger.Like any workout, one can overdo it.Put too much stress on that muscle, work it too hard too fast, and it stops working properly.
My self-control has been overworked because of June.All weekend, it’s been one fight after the next to resist bad thoughts and be a good guy.Her hero who always come to her rescue.
She welcomed me into her home, unaware of my dark urges for her, then went to bed tonight thinking I’m safety from danger.
I turn and approach her bed, pausing where I stood a moment ago.My conscience fought hard these past few days like a good soldier, but it finally loses the fight against lust.
I take a seat on June’s bed and caress her cheek with the backs of my fingers.
“No, sweetheart,” I say softly.“I’m the danger too.”
10
Malcolm
I pull my hand away from June’s cheek and lay it in my lap.
What’s my next move?The possibilities seem endless.
Your next move is to leave her the fuck alone.
I ignore that voice as I stare at her face, the fan’s low whirring and her soft snores the only sounds breaking the quiet.
She didn’t stir when I sat on the bed and touched her just now.What else can I get away with?I’m tempted to yell her name to test how deeply she’s asleep.That’s risky.She might startle awake and get freaked out that I’m in her room.Paul will hear about it the next day.
I just have to go for it.Do the things I’ve been wanting to do.Some things, noteverything.Not the one I want to do the most.That’s a line—aravine—I can’t cross.
My gaze fixed on her face, I lay my hand on her shoulder and slide it down her arm.Her skin is as soft as it looks, so smooth and warm against my palm.
I lift her hand and kiss the backs of her slim fingers, turning her hand to press another one to her palm.I hold her wrist to my nose and close my eyes, savouring her creamy smell.
“Cocoa butter is my favourite scent now because of you.”
