Page 43 of His Reward
Now is not the time to get a boner.
I jerk my gaze and stand.I stare so hard at the TV’s blank screen while she puts on her shoes, it’s a wonder I’m not burning holes into the plastic.
A buddy of mine told me about his struggle to quit smoking once.It took him a while to figure out what worked, but the least effective method for him was doing it cold turkey.
Each time he tried it, he backslid faster and smoked way more than he did before quitting.
If you suddenly give up something that made you feel good, your body will rebel against that.It’ll punish you for it.
Don’t I know it.I made the same mistake as Hayes.My best friend’s daughter is an addiction I tried to quit cold turkey four days ago, and I’ve been on the brink of backsliding ever since.
Being around her feels like I died and went to hell, and the torture the devil assigned me is:you can look but you can’t touch ever again.
Those two last words is what makes it so fucking difficult.I know how amazing it is to touch her, taste her, and have her writhing and moaning under me.My body is mutinous that I’m denying myself the experience.
Shoes on, June straightens and hooks her skinny purse strap onto her shoulder.
“Alright,” she says.“Let’s get this show on the road.”
We leave the apartment and I glance at the camera affixed to the door with satisfaction.I had a face-to-face chat with Wolsey a few days ago after our conversation over the phone didn’t go so well.
It didn’t take me long to locate his address.What’s interesting is how quickly he changed his mind about the camera and my move-in when I showed up at his door unannounced.
Maybe it was something in my tone, or the way I moved closer to him and said it would be a real shame if somebody did to him what the intruder did to June—break into his place in the middle of the night while he thought he was safe and sound in his bed.Who knows what could happen to him next?
We climb into my truck and set off for Paul and Nicole’s.June connects her phone to my truck’s bluetooth, and I’m not surprised that the first song is by Selena Gomez.
I smile.“Still your favourite, huh?”
“Of course.She’s the GOAT.”
“Why do you like her songs?”
“I like hearing her sing more than I like her songs, and I do like them.But when she sings, it makes me think about how resilient she is, and that encourages me to be strong too.She’s gone through so much since she was a kid, but she still has a positive energy.”
I roll to a stop at a red light.
“Yeah, that’s more difficult than most people realize.”
“She was a good role model for me as a kid, especially after the fire,” she says, her voice quiet.“She still is, now that I’m an adult.A biracial woman, just like me, who’s strong, talented, positive, and successful.”She smiles.“Anyway, what about you?Who’s your favourite singer?”
“Don’t know if I have a favourite.I’ll enjoy whatever that has a good tune.I’ve listened to a lot of Nirvana and Muse, though.”
“Never heard of either of them.”
“Not even Nirvana?”I glance at her in shock.“You’veneverheardSmells Like Teen Spirit?”I hum the chorus to the band’s most popular song.Her face lights up in recognition after a moment.
“Oh!I remember that song!It would be blasting from your car sometimes when you came over to visit.”
I chuckle.“That answers your question then.I have a favourite after all.”
Our easy conversation on lightweight topics continues throughout the drive, occasionally fading away into friendly silence.
It seems June has forgiven me, though she’s not as relaxed around me as before.She does her best to keep physical distance, like she’s worried the slightest touch will make me jump her.To be honest, it often feels like I’m fighting against doing just that.
She steals glances at me when she thinks I’m not aware.Whenever I try to meet her gaze, she quickly averts it and bites her lips.
I wish I knew what she’s thinking when she does that.I also wonder if she thinks about that night between us like I do, or if she’s scrubbed it from her mind to get over what I did to her.
