Page 58 of Unpredictable
I nodded, not wanting to discuss it. If I stopped to consider what I was doing, what I’d be leaving behind, there was a very real possibility I’d chicken out. And while the idea of selling my home with Ryan made me slightly nauseous, it also gave me a sense of freedom. For the first time in a long time, I felt empowered—like I was taking back control over my life.
“What else?” I asked.
I had to keep moving forward. It had become my mantra since the new year—keep moving forward. I’d taken down all my sticky notes and started over. I’d been putting inspirational quotes or mantras on my mirror for so long, I couldn’t remember when I’d started the habit—maybe college. But there were just three now. One said, “You are stronger than you think.” The other was “Keep moving forward,” and I intended to do just that. And the last one was inspired by Harrison. “Control is an illusion.”
“You’ll want to remove any valuables, as well as any personal items and minimize the number of framed photographs.”
I glanced toward the fireplace where pictures lined the mantel. Ryan and me on his thirty-fifth birthday. The two of us in Hawaii. So many incredible memories.
“People want to imagine themselves living here,” Alexis said. “They don’t want to think about someone else’s toenail clippings in the carpet.”
“Ew.” I cringed, turning away from the photographs. “That’s disgusting.”
She smirked. “Just telling it like it is.”
I laughed, feeling a bit lighter. “Do you think we should have Lauren stage it?”
She leaned her hip against the couch. “Might not be a bad idea. Lauren has a great eye and knows what buyers want.”
I nodded. “Agreed.”
She glanced around. “I’m guessing it wouldn’t take much—mostly a few decorative items.”
“Great. What else?” I asked, feeling more excited about the prospect now that we were working on a task list.
I’d always loved a good to-do list. And maybe by the time I’d completed the items on it, my heart would be more aligned with my head. If nothing else, it was a good distraction from the reality of what I was doing.
We continued through the kitchen and dining area, then on to the bedrooms. Finally, we returned to where we’d started—the master closet.
“So…” Alexis said. “You want some help going through his clothes?”
I lifted a shoulder. “It’s nice of you to offer, but it’s getting late. I’m sure you have better things to do with your time.”
“Are you saying that because you think you should? Or because you’re trying to tell me you want me to leave without coming out and saying it?” Leave it to Alexis to ask.
I considered it a moment. “A little of both, I guess.”
“If you want to be alone, just say so. But I’m more than happy to help.”
When I hesitated, Alexis made the decision for me. “Come on.” She hooked her arm through mine. “I can just sit and keep you company. And if you want my help, I’m here.”
I nodded, crossing the threshold into the disaster zone. Clothes were everywhere, and the piles alone made me anxious. But the idea of actually going through them was even more daunting.
We sat on the floor and started sorting through everything. We devised a system, and the time passed quickly. The first few items had been easy enough; they didn’t hold much sentimental value. But when I got to the next stack, it was a different story. The shirt he was wearing when we met, his soft baseball T-shirt I loved wearing to bed. A single tear slid down my cheek as the memories washed over me. And when I held the garment to my nose, inhaling deeply, I couldn’t find any traces of his scent.
I set those in the keep pile, grateful when Alexis didn’t comment. I picked up another one and started to place it in the keep pile when Alexis laughed.
“Seriously—his Hawaiian shirt? I thought you despised that thing. I believe you once said you’d burn it if you could.”
I laughed, remembering it all too well. The luau-themed party, and his shirt that had become a running joke.
“Girl, you need to let that one go. To the bonfire,” she teased.
“I know. You’re right. That’s what Harrison’s always telling me. To let go.” I bit my lip, only realizing my mistake too late.
“So, this whole house-selling thing…” she hedged.
“Yeah?”
