Page 95 of Unpredictable
My heart ached, and I wished I could go back in time. But it was too late. And though he’d told me not to come back until I was sure, I was afraid. Afraid that even if I was certain, I couldn’t repair the damage I’d done.
A few days later, Harper and I stood on the beach, watching as the waves rolled in. It was so similar to the spot where Ryan had proposed, and as the wind rustled through the trees, a sense of rightness settled over me.
There was no casket, no body, there was only the wind and the water and these friends. I wore white, as did Harper. And she’d spoken to some of the locals, who were only too willing to help. Everyone here had always been so friendly and welcoming, and this was no exception.
Many of them started to sing, and the scent of flowers perfumed the air. It felt more like a wedding than a funeral, and I found myself smiling through my tears. Though I couldn’t understand much of what was said, I was overcome with a feeling of wholeness, of peace. I couldn’t describe it, but it felt as if Ryan were there with us.
Finally, it was time for me to speak. I stepped forward as the music died down, and everyone turned their attention to me.
“Summing up a life in a few words seems inadequate for anyone, let alone Ryan.” I smiled, though my nose stung. “He was kind and loving, generous. He was an amazing man.”
I sniffled. “Some of my favorite memories of him were from our time here. And I hope—” My voice broke, and tears fell freely down my face. “I hope that wherever he is, he’s happy. I hope that he’s at peace.”
I swallowed hard, trying to grasp the enormity of the moment. I finally accepted the fact that Ryan wasn’t coming back. But instead of my chest constricting like it had in the past, instead of my stomach bottoming out, or the terrifying visions that usually came to mind, there was…nothing. I felt surprisingly free. I felt at peace.
I walked to the water’s edge, mesmerized by the endless ocean. With a chain of orange chrysanthemums clasped loosely in my hands, I knew that this was goodbye. Ryan would always have a piece of my heart, but it was time to move on. He would want me to move on, and being here, returning to the place of such unimaginable beauty and tragedy, had finally convinced me of that.
And as I tossed my flowers into the ocean and watched the waves carry them out to sea, a sensation of warmth washed over me. I smiled and sent a wish to the universe that wherever Ryan was, he knew how much I’d loved him.
When I turned back toward the resort, a man caught my eye. He stood off to the side, not part of the ceremony, but interested all the same. And he looked just like Ryan. He was the same height, same build, though he was more muscular and tanner than I remembered. His hair lighter from time in the sun. My heart stopped when he removed his sunglasses, everything and everyone else stilling. The man’s resemblance to Ryan was uncanny.
I squinted, wondering if my mind was playing tricks on me. I’d been duped once—yesterday in the lobby, seeing someone that wasn’t him.
One of Harper’s friends from the area whispered something in her ear, and she turned to me. “That’s him,” she said. “That’s the man they thought was Ryan.”
I nodded. “I can see the resemblance, but it isn’t him. Ryan’s gone, and it’s time to let go once and for all.” We’d had our time together, and it was incredible. But it was time to say goodbye.
I knew I’d made the right decision, but what happened next confirmed it. A woman joined him, and he wrapped his arm around her, leaning down to press a kiss to her temple. She was petite with dark hair, her belly round with child. And instead of a pang of longing or sadness, I was happy. Whoever the man was, he had a bright future. I smiled and waved, silently wishing him well.
“Wow. Okay,” Harper said. “I know you said you didn’t want to pursue it, but still…”
I laughed, throwing my arm over her shoulder as we headed for the hotel, for home. “Maybe it’s okay not to have all the answers.”
She shook her head with a laugh. “Are you feeling okay? Because the Juliana I know needs answers, data.”
I lifted my shoulder. “What can I say? My Zen guru has rubbed off on me.”
“Oh, he’s certainly rubbedsomethingoff on you,” she teased.
I laughed, enjoying one last look at the ocean. The water had taken a lot, but it had given so much too. My heart was full despite all that had happened, and I knew with absolute certainty that Harrison was my future. And I vowed to never let him doubt that again.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The doorbell rang, but I ignored it, hoping they’d go away. They pounded on the door, and with a groan, I rolled over on the couch.
“Fuck off,” I muttered.
Reg’s voice was muffled by the door, but booming, nevertheless. “Come on, Harrison. I know you’re in there. Open up.”
With a heavy sigh, I pushed myself off the couch. I plodded over to the door and opened it. Reg’s eyes darted between my messy hair, stained shirt, and bare feet.
“Why don’t you have your workout clothes on?” Reg walked through the house, glancing around. “Where’s Juliana?” He frowned.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh shit.”
I shook my head, lips clamped.
