Page 75 of Discretion
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m—” I wasn’t sure what I was. “Tired. I didn’t sleep well,” I admitted, surprising myself.
“Neither did I.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, his fatigue showing for the first time. It made me realize how often he donned a mask, even with his family.
He always seemed so blasé about everything, but I knew it was an act. And I felt privileged that he didn’t feel the need to be anything but himself with me. Just as I’d never felt the need to be anything but myself with him.
It was a big reason why I’d almost agreed to his terms last night. No. Not terms. His demand. Because when I was with Jasper, he made me believe that anything was possible.
It was part of the reason he’d been so good at his job when he was an SVP. He was so creative and passionate about the guest experience, and he came up with unique and creative ideas. And the guests delighted in them.
I stared at the door, my mind on work. On his family just down the hall.
Almost as if sensing my thoughts, Jasper said, “I locked it, and this room is soundproof.”
My shoulders relaxed. “Can I ask you something?” When he nodded, I asked, “Did you mean what you said?”
Gold swirled with hazel, desire, and promise. “Every. Fucking. Word.”
His words sent a thrill through me that I tried to ignore. I’d tried to tell myself that it was because I hadn’t slept with anyone in the past eight months, but I knew it was the fact that it was Jasper. And he wanted more than just sex with me. It was both exhilarating and terrifying.
I swallowed, feeling completely unprepared for this conversation. “Last night caught me off guard.”
“Before I left London last summer, I told you I wanted more. I thought I’d made that clear.”
“Yeah, but…” That had been months ago. “I figured you’d moved on by now.”
He took my hand in his. “At first, I’d hoped you’d change your mind. Eventually, I tried to move on. I did. But it only made me realize that I didn’t want to move on even if I could. Because there’s no one else for me but you.”
My heart soared at his words, even as my mind tried to shoot it down. I was surprised. Flattered. Confused.
“But why wait for me?” It was something I was still trying to wrap my head around. Not only the fact that he’d waited, but the idea that he’d been holding out hope for us all this time. “You couldn’t have known that Graham would step down and that Sloan and I would relocate to LA.”
He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. “No, but I kept hoping something would change so we could be together.”
That seemed like a pretty huge leap of faith.
“And now that you’re here,” Jasper continued, “I don’t want to let you go. Not again.”
For a moment, I let his words wash over me. Letting myself revel in them. In the idea of being with him. When I’d ended things before, it was because we’d been living in a fantasy.
The distance might no longer be an issue, but there were still so many additional obstacles standing in our path.
Jasper was still my boss’s brother. Last summer, he’d been an SVP. Which, admittedly, wasn’t great. But now, he was the CEO of the company, which made our situation even worse than before. He had a lot of attention focused on him and his actions.
Attention that I didn’t want or need, especially since I wanted to keep my job. Ineededto keep my job. Not only did I love working with Sloan, but not many companies offered such generous health insurance, benefits, and paid time off.
“I—” I didn’t know what to say to that. I was still trying to process everything. “I can appreciate where you’re coming from, but I also can’t just jump to being ‘all in.’ What does that even mean? How would that even work?”
It was something that had been plaguing me since last night. What Jasper expected. What he really wanted. And how he thought that might actually be possible.
I’d come too far since my divorce to risk my career, my future—and my son’s—for a man. In the past, I’d given up my wants and my dreams for Craig. And while Jasper wasn’t my ex, I refused to compromise my reputation, my hard work, my career for anyone, let alone a man. There was too much at stake. I couldn’t afford mistakes, especially not with Kai and my parents relying on me.
“We can go at whatever speed you need.” Jasper threaded his hand through my hair, and I relaxed into the contact. “But it means no more running away.”
Was that what he thought I was doing? Was that what I had been doing?
“Just give me a chance,” he continued, his gaze so open, imploring. “Giveusa chance. I’m not saying we need to announce to the world that we’re together—yet. Because I do want us to tell our families at some point.” He cupped the back of my neck, his eyes searching mine. I held still, unable to speak because his words filled me with such joy and hope. “I just need to know that you’re in this. With me.” He tilted his forehead to mine, and I closed my eyes briefly. I just wanted to be here, with him. “That when you get scared, you come to me. That when problems arise—which they inevitably will—we’ll figure them out—together. Do you think you can do that?”
