Page 145 of Holding You
“Declan’s really going to leave?” she asks.
Word travels fast in a small town.
“Yeah, he is.”
“You can’t make it work?”
“He thinks we can, but you know how it goes with long distance and there are kids involved. Maybe if it was just me …”
I’d thought about it a lot last night after Declan finally made his way to his room.
Would my choice be different if it were just me?
Had I not uprooted my life once before for someone, would I be saying yes?
If I weren’t so worried about what people would say about me following another man out of town, would I have said yes?
“I think I’m broken,” I say quietly.
“Why do you think that?”
“Because my heart hurts and I want him to stay, but I could never live with myself if he gave up anything in his life to stay with me. Here. To pick me. Like, what makes me so important that he should change all his goals in life for me?”
Shay blows out a breath. “That one is tricky. I think it’s different because you love him.”
I do.
“I’m going to miss him so much,” I say and then suck in a breath to keep myself from crying. “Max is going to miss Susie, too, and I just don’t want to be sad again. I don’t want tofeelbroken again. Like I still wasn’t good enough for someone.”
The crazy part is that he was about to pick me. He was about to say he’d stay. I could have just let him, and he would have never known about the offer from Colt’s dad. But I couldn’t let him pick me.
And that’s what makes me feel broken. I had everything I wanted right then, and I didn’t take it.
Silence settles over us, and then I hear her sniffle.
Her color is off and she looks tired.
Is she that worried about me?
“Hey,” I say and scoot closer to her. “Don’t cry. I cried enough for both of us last night, alright?”
She nods and then blurts out, “I’m pregnant.”
I gasp.
“What?”
“Yeah, like super fucking pregnant.”
“Shay! That’s wonderful.” I wrap my arms around her as she begins to sob.
“No, no, why are we crying?”
I try to wipe her tears away, but it’s no use.
“Because you’re sitting here heartbroken and I’m … stupid happy right now.”
I stick my bottom lip out and my eyes well with tears to match hers.
