Page 73 of Knot My Band: Part One
I’m the biggest asshole alive.
There’s no doubt anymore.
I lean against the bus’s cool metal wall while I watch Oli sit on the couches with Jack, Aiden, and Chase.
Her smile is bright as she laughs at something Chase said before she leans over and pokes at Jack’s chest with a slender finger.
His grin is wide, his blue eyes bright with amusement as he playfully tickles her.
All four of them are laughing now. Oli pushes past Jack and Chase to hide behind Aiden, who looks shocked.
He shouldn’t be. She’s always comfortable around him.
Something she will never feel around me.
“It was Jack! You’re safe with me too, little rose,” Chase chimes in, his sandy brown hair glinting as he catches her hand and spins her into him, and even from this distance, Ican see her green eyes shine with delight.
They’re in tune with each other, their ease and laughter a melody I can’t seem to find the rhythm to.
It’s so easy for them, even Aiden, to connect with her. They have this easy camaraderie that I’ve never had with anyone, not even my pack.
Oli is drawing out sides of them I rarely see. I shift uncomfortably. I’ve built barriers so high that I don’t know how to bring them down. Barriers that now seem more like walls keeping me out rather than others away.
I can’t connect with Oli the way they do.
“Come on, Dax, don’t be such a stalker,” Chase calls out, his grin infectious. But it’s not catching; my smile feels forced, carved out of the stone face I’m known for.
“I have the best view,” I say, but it comes out more defensive than I intend, and I wince at my own tone.
Oli’s head snaps in my direction, her green eyes finding mine. There’s a flicker of something—surprise, maybe curiosity—but it’s gone before I can decipher it. She turns back to the others, her laughter blending with the chorus of their banter, and the pang hits me like a rogue wave. It sucks the air out of my lungs, this jealousy that coils tight in my chest.
The harsh reality is I don’t deserve her.
Worse, I think I want her.
Ever since she came to me and made me feel seen and cared for by insisting she wouldn’t read into my happiness, I’ve been falling for her. But now, when I’m nice or try to be a good alpha to her, she’s doing just what she promised and ignoring it.
Taking her to the doctor was the first time I felt like I had a purpose, taking care of her like that.
“Hey, Dax,” Jack nudges me, oblivious to the storm raginginside me. “You should join in, man. We were thinking of pulling the cards out.”
“Yeah?” My voice comes out gruff.
“Absolutely,” Oli chimes in, her voice like honey, sweet and smooth.
“Sure,” I reply, and curse myself for the hesitation that laces the word. It’s not easy—nothing with Oli is easy. Not because she’s complicated but because I am. Because every time I try to speak, it feels like I’m playing the wrong note.
I just don’t fit.
I should leave the other three to be happy with her, but I’m addicted now. She’s my omega, even if I’m forever in the background.
The desire to change that, to be someone she can laugh with as easily as she does with Chase or Jack, burns fierce within me. But the how of it eludes me, slipping through my fingers.
My chest tightens as I watch her, free and unburdened, surrounded by people who appreciate her light. And there’s me, the shadow that’s been dimming it. I’ve been snappy, curt, and always ready with a sarcastic remark or a cold shoulder. It’s a defense, really. A way to protect myself from getting too close, from being too vulnerable. But what has it cost me? What has it cost her?
I’m going to do something about it. I will be better.
“I think we are going to be in Philadelphia soon,” I say reluctantly, ending the fun.
