Page 164 of The Daddy P.I. Casefiles: The Second Collection
As soon as we’re on the street, Cynnie pushes away from me and looks up at me, her eyes teary and dark. “You hate me?”
“No, I don’t hate you, baby. But I am really fucking confused.”
Her face crumples. “You’ll hate me. You willz.”
Her lisp appearing makes my chest tighten. Should I let her go into littlespace now? I don’t want her using littlespace tododge what’s clearly a big issue. But if she’s overwhelmed and needs to escape for a while, littlespace might help.
“I won’t,” I reassure her. “Do you want to come back to mine? We can talk or we can play? Whatever you need right now, baby. I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“You want to make sure I’m okay?” she repeats as the tears begin to slide down her cheeks. “After hearing I’m engaged to someone else?”
I swallow hard. Hearing it from Jun, and hearing it from Cynnie, are totally different things. One stung and pricked and made me want to throw things. The other feels like she’s drawing and quartering my heart.
“I-I want to understand,” I say. “I want to know why you didn’t tell me. Why you let me think we had a future. But first I need to know you’re okay.”
The tears fall faster. “I’m not okay, Oppa.”
I hold my arms out to her and she rushes into them. “Baby, what do you need? Tell me what you need.”
“I need my Oppa,” she cries. “I need growlies. I need my buzzies. I need you.”
“You have me.” For as long as it lasts. I don’t do cheating. I hate the idea that she’s been using me to cheat on her fiancée. I won’t sleep with her again now that I know. But I can give her comfort and relief until she’s ready to face what happened tonight. Even though it shreds my heart, I’m not going to turn my back on her. “Let’s go home, okay?”
She nods and nestles into me.
She’s silent as we walk until we find a cab, and then in the ride across the city to my building. She snuffles and wipes the part of her face not buried in my shoulder, but doesn’t say anything, doesn’t explain. I keep my arm around her. I murmur to her that it’s okay, we’ll be at my place soon, her buzzies are waiting for her. But there’s a hollow ring to my words. I don’thate her; I won’t hate her. But the hurt is tearing deeper and deeper into my chest with each passing mile.
When we get up to my apartment, she turns to me. “You chase me?”
I nod, although my heart’s not in it. “I just need to set a boundary first, baby. No more sex. I’ll chase you and play with you and be your Oppa and make sure you’re okay until you really are, but I won’t have sex with you again now that I know you’re engaged.”
She stares at me, open-mouthed.
“I’m sorry, baby. It’s my own fault for never telling you my hard limits. For putting off doing a contract with you like I said we were going to. I just thought you knew how I felt about cheating.”
“I know. I saw how angry you were with Mary Lisa after you heard she had a daddy. You think I did that? Used you to cheat on Kade? You think I’m really engaged to him?”
“Baby, aren’t you?”
“No!”
Some of the pain that’s been bubbling-bubbling-bubbling in my heart bursts like a blister. There’s a moment of relief. But then the confusion rushes back in. “But Kade and Jun both said?—”
“You listen to them? You believe them?” she demands, planting her fists on her hips and leaning towards me.
“What am I supposed to believe, Cynnie? You haven’t told me anything. I had no idea who that man was when he walked up to you. You’ve never once mentioned him. I thought he’d got the wrong fucking girl. And then your reaction made it clear he hadn’t, but you didn’t tell me any different. You didn’t say you weren’t his fiancée. What am I supposed to think?”
“You’re supposed to think youknowme. You’re supposed to believe that I’d be as respectful of your hard limits as you areof mine.” Her face twists, the anger flickering away, replaced by raw anguish. “You’re supposed to know I’d neveruseyou, Oppa!”
“Baby—”
“Don’t call me your baby when you don’t believe in me!”
“Baby, don’t. Don’t do that. I could have walked away when Kade cut in. I didn’t. I waited. I stood there and took all the shit Jun was throwing at me because I believe in you?—”
“But you’re not listening to me!” she snaps. “No onelistensto me. Jun. Baachan. Papa. No one listens to me when I say I don’tlikehim. I don’ttrusthim. He never proposed to me. It was just a business deal like every other business deal Jun does. One day he came home and said he’d spoken to Kade and his father and they’d agreed it was good for the family businesses for us to get married. No oneaskedme. No one wanted to hear what I thought, what I had to say. No onehearsme!”
This is it.
