Page 224 of The Daddy P.I. Casefiles: The Second Collection
“Maybe he just doesn’t know? Maybe Lucy asked him to top her and all I have to do is ask?”
“He’s a Dom. He knows. He doesn’t feel the same way.”
“But, Bren?—”
“No buts. I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole when you’re already hurting, Cap, but you have to let this go. Take it from me. Crushing on Ten and Rob got me nowhere but hurt and lonely. Loving someone who can’t love you back? It’s shit. Having Logan top you when he’s in love with someone else is going to fuck with you endlessly. Don’t go there.”
“But he’s already topping Lucy?—”
“Maybe, but I guarantee he’s not fucking Lucy, and I know that’s what you really want. Be honest with me and tell me you don’t care that he won’t ever fuck you, that he’ll top you and then he’ll go to bed with Emily. Tell me that doesn’t fuck your head around sideways?”
He blows out a broken breath.
“I think I could deal with him just topping me,” Cappa says in a tiny voice.
“And I’m calling you a liar. You want him to be your Dom and he won’t ever be. He didn’t choose you when he was single and he’s not going to choose you now that he’s not. He chose Emily. He’s collared her. They’re getting married. There is no room for you in their relationship.”
“I know that. I wouldn’t ever try to come between them.”
I groan. “So, what are you getting out of it?”
“Master Logan makes me feel safe,” he whispers.
“And you’d never want more? You’d never want him to kiss you or fuck you or just fucking hold you? You wouldn’t resent every touch he gives Emily? Every look you wish was aimed your way?—”
“Now you are being an asshole, Bren.”
“Yeah, you’re right, I am. But I’ve been there and I’m telling you, it doesn’t work. You think you can keep your heart out of it, but I see the way you look at him, the way you’ve always looked at him, and it will never just be topping for you.”
“What if I could?”
“What if the moon was made of cheese, man? Please, Cap, I’m too tired to be diplomatic about this. Do not ask Logan to top you. It will not go the way you want it to. And if you think about it when you’re not fucked in the head, you’ll know you deserve more than the scraps of attention he can give you.” I hughim tight, careful of his injuries. “We both do. Pinkie pact that neither of us will settle anymore, huh?”
He holds up his pinkie and I hook it with mine.
“You’re giving up on Ten?” he whispers.
“Yes,” I say firmly. “I should have done it a long time ago. I should have refused scenes with him. I won’t do any more. Pinkie pact.”
“And Rob?”
I haven’t done a scene with Rob in months. Since I asked him to Philharmonic in the Park—his thing, not mine—and he told me very gently that it would be a bad idea for us to do anything together outside the club. Of course, that didn’t stop him from asking me to volunteer at his shelter during their August fundraiser. But I guess that’s different in his mind. Anyway, I got his message loud and clear.
“And Rob. No more Doms who are ashamed to be seen with me outside of Blunts.”
“Bren, fuck, I don’t think that’s what it was about.”
“Doesn’t matter, does it? Pinkie pact. C’mon.”
He shakes my pinkie. “Pinkie pact. It wasn’t someone from the club. I wasn’t lying about that. But he’s Master Drew’s friend. That’s how we met.”
“You add him to the damn blacklist, and we tell Master Logan and Master Javier about this, Cap. Fuck.”
“They’ll say it’s nothing to do with Blunts.”
“Neither of us know what they’ll say until they say it, but I guarantee you Logan will not let this go. If Drew is introducing house subs to abusers, that’s a club matter.”
Cappa releases my pinkie and cuddles his face into my shoulder. “Thanks, Bren. I know you’re right. It’s just ...it still hurts that he left.”
