I rub my hand over my mouth. Fuck, I hope not. If his kid’s going to be battling an amphetamine addiction the rest of her life, it’ll kill Mac. His sun rises and sets on Naomi.
We’re both pensive over thoughts of Mac as we stretch and start to lift.
“How long d’you think it’ll be before Mac can move to the City full time?” Logan asks me as we’re switching on the bench.
“He said a couple of weeks. I was going to help him look at apartments if he needed a second pair of eyes.”
“Good. Let him know Emmy and I can help with that, too.”
“I will. She mentioned she was going to see a home for her mother. You want me to run a background check on it?”
“Yeah. That’d be good. I’ve checked the references, but if you could trawl the internet the way you do, that’d help. Emily’s brother is an ass and a half and he’s giving her a ton of grief about moving their mum from Syracuse, despite the fact he can’t ever be bothered to visit her when he only lives ten minutes away. I think we’re only going to get one shot at his consent. If you can make sure this place is clean, that’d help my peace of mind.”
“You got it.” I grunt through my set.
“How’d things go with Cynnie after the park?” Logan asks as we’re switching places again.
“Good. Really good. And some not so good. I gave her a real punishment. It was utter hell. But the make-up was worthwhile. We talked things out. I understand why she ghosted me.”
Logan makes an incredulous noise in his throat.
“Yeah,” I say. “But it makes sense to me now. Jack helped explain it, too. Her previous daddies conditioned her to seek negative attention. I think I know how to break that cycle. I know you punish Emily often, but I think Cynnie might do better with minimal punishments and lots of positive reinforcement. I started working on an app today that might give her constant reinforcement even when we’re not together.”
“I punish Emmy because she needs boundaries and needs to know that I’ll hold firm when she tests them. Cynnie may not need any of that. She might be absolutely fine just knowing her daddy’s there for her. There’s no one-size fits all.”
“I’m beginning to understand what you mean by that. You’ve said it before, but I dunnow. I thought there were rules and ways that all littles behaved. But I get it now. This isn’t about Cynnie being little. It’s about Cynnie being Cynnie.” I grab a towel and mop my face. “And me figuring out how to be her daddy.”
Logan claps my shoulder before he drops back onto the bench. “That’s exactly right.”
“I gave her a pleasure spanking last night,” I tell him.
Logan lifts his eyebrows even while he puffs through a set. “And?”
I grin.
“Yeah.” Logan echoes my grin. “Fucking awesome, isn’t it?”
I nod. “I had no idea how much of a turn on it would be. It’s intimate, isn’t it? All that touching and the heat of her skin and my hand and the tension that ran through her right before each hit and then how her whole body relaxed afterwards. I had no idea.”
“Well done, Maxie. If you felt all that, you did it exactly right. How was she afterwards?”
My grin widens, thinking of it. “Cuddly. We both slept really well last night, too.”
“Yup, Emmy and I sleep like logs after a good scene.” He finishes his reps and we swap over. “You want to tell me about the punishment?”
Do I?
“I needed Jack to talk me through it,” I admit the part that still gives me a twinge of shame. The Navy drummed into me that asking for help isn’t weak and shared knowledge is power. But there’s still a small voice that says a real man handles his own shit.
“Good,” Logan says firmly. “Glad you had that support. What made it hell?”
I wipe my face and dust my hands with the chalk bag before I grip the bar. “Listening to her cry. I hated that part. I wanted to stop the punishment and comfort her.”
Logan nods. “That’s natural, Maxie. I’d be worried if you didn’t have those feelings.”
“You hate seeing Emily cry?” I ask, remembering what Brenna said about wanting scenes that left her screaming and bloody.
“I hate seeing Emmy in any kind of emotional pain. There are sadists who get pleasure that way, but I’m not one of them. It absolutely wrecks me to see Emmy suffer emotionally. I want her happy. Everything I do, the rules, being strict with her, it’s all to keep her safe and happy.”
