Page 80 of Night and Day
Chapter 30
“You’re gorrrrgeous!” Crooned Casanova, interrupting Izzy’s downward spiral for the tenth time.
He didn’t have the energy to tell Deke off for letting the bird fly free. He’d already counted three shit-bombs on the kitchen floor, and there was probably some stuff on his toast, but what difference did it make? He already felt like shit.
“I know it sucks right now, but it’s not the end of the world, is it?” Deke ladled cereal into his mouth.
Since Mia had left, his cooking had gone downhill, fast. Izzy had tossed between beans on toast or Cheerios for dinner, landing on the prior because the cheery brand name irked him so much. It didn’t bother Deke, who was on his third bowl. Izzy cringed. He should have cooked for them. Losing the love of his life wasn’t a good enough reason to stop caring about everyone else. He could ignore himself, stop shaving and return to his basement, but he still had to watch over Deke, and the parrot was his problem by proxy. That’s all that was left in his life. Responsibility.
“It’s not the end of the world,” he admitted with a grunt. “She might come back one day, who knows. Although she told me to find someone local.”
“She probably didn’t mean it. When she looked at you, she looked like one of those heart-eye emojis. I can’t always tell with that subtle fuckery females do, but she was easy to read.” He swallowed a mouthful and grinned. “Also, she told me.”
Izzy dropped his toast. “She told you what?”
“When she said goodbye at the river, she whispered to me...” Deke flashed a cheeky grin, enjoying the suspense.
“What?” Izzy growled, his patience wearing thin.
“Okay, if you must know, she told me to look after you until she comes back, because... she, and I quote, is head over heels in love with you.”
Izzy’s heart glowed as he stared at his friend, trying to figure out if he was as full of shit as his bird. He wanted this to be true, so badly. “She didn’t say that to me. Why would she tell you?” His voice came out laced with hurt, but he hardly cared. Mia had stripped off the protective layers of his heart, exposing him to sunlight, hurt, everything he’d tried to avoid. Everything hurt. Everything.
“Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a friend than a... lover.” Deke’s eyes bulged in a comical way and he tipped his bowl to drink the leftover milk.
Izzy pushed his plate aside, his heart doing funny things. If she really loved him, they’d find a way to be together, right? That’s how it was supposed to work. “I was like a zombie at the airport,” he said quietly, staring at the uneaten, cold beans. “I didn’t say anything I was supposed to. I didn’t tell her how I felt. I just... froze.”
Deke tilted his head, his bouncy orange hair defying gravity. “A panic attack?”
“I don’t know. I felt like my heart was going to explode.”
“Yeah, that’s probably what it was. Remember that one time you came home from Countdown and we googled those symptoms? Airports are a lot like supermarkets, only worse.”
Izzy looked up, surprised by his friend’s insight. “Yeah, it was similar. Physically. What’s wrong with me?” He crumbled under his breath, raking his fingers through his hair.
“We’re all fucked up in strange, wonderful ways. It doesn’t matter.”
“But even if she liked me before, when she saw me acting like that... she’s right, I can’t be with someone who lives on the other side of the planet. I can’t even handle Auckland airport. It’s never going to work.”
He couldn’t even apologise. She was somewhere in the atmosphere, unreachable. He could only hope she emailed him on arrival. They hadn’t really discussed staying in touch via video calls or emails. That all fell into the ‘long distance relationship’ category, which had been firmly off the table. It had made sense at the time, when he’d been with her. Even the words ‘long distance’ had made him sick, but what was the alternative? Now she was gone and he had nothing.
Deke curled his finger at Casanova, who climbed on his hand and made his way up to his shoulder. “If she really loves you, she will accept you for who you are, right?”
Izzy huffed at the statement he’d made to Deke many times before, comforting him after yet another woman turned him down.
“Nobody will love her more than I do. It’s not possible.” The words poured out like fog from a bug bomb, filling the room. He hung his head over the disgusting meal, now ready for the compost bin.
“Whoa! Dude. You’re so love sick right now it’s painful to watch. You need to go there and talk to her.”
Izzy lifted his head, coming eye-to-eye with Casanova. The bird cocked his head, peering at him with a beady, black eye. “How’reyoudoing?”
“Not well,” Izzy admitted. “Thanks for asking.”
Was Deke right? Did he really need to go to Finland? Even if he could get there without his brain exploding, how would he find her? He didn’t speak Finnish. He didn’t have any local contacts. He didn’t know any of her friends or family. Mia had mentioned something about giving up her flat when she left for her travels. Where would she stay on her return? She’d quit her job and turned down whatever her ex-boyfriend had been offering, so she’d be looking for work. Would she stay in Helsinki or move somewhere else?
